Underneath It All
by Ladybug0327
Summary: Paige and Emily have been best friends since they were ten years old. They are about to embark on their first year of college together. The two of them are trying to navigate the new adjustments in their lives while trying to come to grips with who they are as individuals, as well as who they are to each other.
1. Chapter 1

"_All the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players_".

Truer words have never been spoken. I think old Billy was on to something most of us go our entire existence without realizing. We go through our day to day lives putting on a performance. Wearing a mask if you will. Whether it be for our parents, our peers, our friends or even ourselves, we portray the version of our person that is least likely to be rejected. Chalk it up to the human condition of needing to be loved and accepted. I ponder this, amongst other things, while I wait for Emily and Ben to arrive for dinner. The three us have been thick as thieves even since Emily's family moved next door when we were ten years old. We will all be attending Penn State in a couple weeks and wanted to get some quality time in before the madness of Freshman year began. Being the ever punctual one, I'm the first to arrive. So I pick a booth with a view of the door. From my vantage point, I see all the comings and goings of the patrons and take part in one of my favorite pastimes, people watching. My phone buzzes and indicates I have an incoming message. It's from Ben.

"_Hey something came up. I'm running a little behind but be there soon._"

As I type out a sarcastic response to him, I hear the bell over the door chime and look up just in time to see Emily enter. _Emily_. If people watching is one of my favorite pastimes, Emily watching is my guilty pleasure. The booth I chose is kind of obscured, so it allows me the time to take her in before she spots me. She has on a pair of pink converse and the tightest dark denim skinny jeans I've ever seen. She tops it off with a cute, v neck, long sleeve tee with a vest over it. Her beautiful brown hair, which is well past her shoulders, is down and all I can think about is how much I want to run my fingers through it. Her eyes final meet mine and she gives me a megawatt smile. I give her a similar smile and stand to greet her as she makes her way to our table.

"_Hey Em_," I say. I hug her and breathe in pomegranate and flowers.

"_Hey love. I hope you haven't been waiting too long_," She replies after placing a kiss on my cheek.

"_Not at all. Besides, between you and your other half, I'm used to being kept waiting_," I reply dryly.

At this she chuckles and gives a face that tells me she's amused by my comment.

"_Yes punctuality is definitely not either of our strong suits. Speaking of your dear cousin, where is he_?" she asks.

_"I thought the two of you would be arriving together. He just sent me a message that he's running behind. So your guess is as good as mine." _

Emily bites her lip and looks away at this news and I can tell something is troubling her. "Em are you ok?" I ask.

She shrugs her shoulders, "_Yeah everything's cool, why do you ask_?" is her reply.

"_Because I mentioned not knowing where Ben was and your whole demeanor changed. So... What is i_t?"

"It's nothing."

"Emily."

"Paige."

We stare each other down for a good minute in silence before she cracks.

"_I don't want to talk about it right now Paige. This might be one of the last times the three of us get to be together like this and I don't want to ruin the mood. Can we drop it for now please_?" she pleads to me.

I give her a deep sigh but acquiesce to her request. I reach across the table for her and she clasp my hand in hers. As soon as our fingers touch, I feel those flutters in my stomach that always appear whenever Emily touches me.

"_Em you know I'm here for you and you can talk to me about anything right? You're my bestfriend in the whole world. If you're hurting or in pain or in trouble you know I'll do everything in my power to fix it don't you?_" I ask her. I manage to get a half hearted smile from her.

_"Yeah I know and when I'm ready, we'll talk ok_?"

_"Do you promise M&M_?" When I call her by her childhood nickname, she blesses me with a smile almost as beautiful as the one she gave me when she first arrived.

She chuckles and says,"_Yes Skittles I promise_."

The mood lightens remarkable from there as we catch up on the goings on of our day. We're having such a good chat, that we don't realize Ben has arrived until he's standing at our booth.

"_Well don't you two look cozy_," he says by way of greeting

_"Hey babe. Nice of you to finally join us_," Emily replies

She stands to hug and kiss Ben. It isn't until she lets go of me to do so the I notice we had been holding hands the entire time. They slide into the booth together across from me.

"_I got caught up with a couple of things that required my immediate attention_," he says smoothly

"_Nothing too taxing I hope_," I express genuinely concerned for my cousin.

"_Nothing that I couldn't handle. It's hard being The Man, but someone has to do it_," he says cockily. Emily chuckles at this and Ben leans over to kiss her cheek. I shake my head and smile at the two of them, when something on Ben's collar catches my eye.

_That can't possibly be what I think it is_.

I shake my head to rid it of the thoughts I'm having and decide to store it away for later.

"_So what have my two favorite people been talking about in my absence_?"

"_Oh my gosh we were only seven and I idolized you. Of course I was going to do anything you dared me to_," I laugh as Ben recalls a particular misadventure we had gotten ourselves into as children. Dinner is lighthearted and full of laughter. No subject is safe and the three of us tease each other relentlessly. Throughout the course of our meal, I notice that Ben keeps checking his phone and I can't help the nagging feeling that something isn't right. Emily is regaling us with a tale of an encounter she had with some lady at the coffee shop. He looks up from his screen and catches me staring at him. He has a guilty look on his face and I know something is up.

"_So that's when I told her that this is not Finding Nemo_." The three of us laugh at the punch line of Emily's story.

"_And on that note, I'm going to the little girls room. You two play nice while I'm gone_," she says.

"_Sure thing honey, but hurry back_." Emily gives Ben a smile and winks at me as she saunters off to the restroom. I follow her journey to the back of the restaurant. My guilty pleasure is interrupted when my cousin asks, "_So do you want to tell me what all of this is about_?"

"_I think maybe you're the one who should be explaining himself_," is my reply.

"_And what is that supposed to mean_?" he retorts

"W_ell if you're going to hook up with someone before you go out with your girlfriend, at least have the decency not to leave any evidence behind_.

"_What the hell are you talking about_?" I make a head notion to his neck.

"_There's lipstick on your collar friend_," I say. He runs his hand along his collar and pulls it away to examine the red lipstick on his fingers.

"_Shit_," he whispers.

"_Yes, Ben, shit indeed_."

"_I knew I should have stopped by my house on the way here_," he says.

"_How long have you been screwing around on Emily_?" I ask.

"_It's only been a couple of times. I swear I didn't mean to hook up with Alison, but she's been like a dog with a bone_."

I pound my fist on the table and growl out "_Alison! All of the girls in the world and you pick Alison!_"

Ben hangs his head. _"I know, I know. I'm such a screw up._"

"Y_ou're damn right you are and you need to tell Emily and beg for her forgiveness_."

"T_ell Emily?! Uh negative. Look I promise to break things off with Alison. I just had to get it out of my system. It was a temporary moment of weakness. I love Emily. This was a one time offense and it'll never happen again. Besides, in two weeks I'll be at Penn and Ali will be all of the way across the country at Stanford. Problem solved. No harm, no foul_."

"I_ don't care. She deserves to know and if you aren't going to tell her, then I am,_"I threaten.

"_No you're not_."

"_I can't keep this from her Ben, she's my bestfriend_," I say.

"A_nd you're my cousin Paige. Blood is thicker than water and all that good stuff. Besides, you owe me one. So this little indiscretion remains between the two of us, got_ it?" I stare Ben down, but unlike Emily, he doesn't break. I can feel the rage building inside of me. How dare he bring that up as his bargaining chip. I contain myself because I don't want to make a scene in public. I concede defeat and a smirks appears across his lips because he knows he's got me.

"I_ swear this better be a one time thing Ben. I don't like being dishonest with Emily_." His eyes widen and he full out belly laughs. "_Oh really? So since your so honest, do you want to tell me how long you've been in love with my girlfriend?" _

My jaw drops as I realize the jig is up. I've always considered myself a grade A performer. I mean, I've convinced my father as well as most of the people in my life, that I'm keen on taking over the family business when I graduate. I thought I was doing a better job of hiding what Emily really means to me. I guess I was wrong.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I respond.

"Oh you don't, do you? You're really going to sit here in my face and flat out lie to me? Miss Honest and Honorable. I see the way you look at her when you think nobody is looking. How you go out of your way to do little things for her."

"I'm just being a good friend," I say weakly.

Ben slams his hand on the table and spits out,"Bullshit Paige!" "You know it and I know it. I've been letting you slide because Em doesn't swing that way, so you're really not a threat. But I'm tired of you not respecting the boundaries of our relationship. When it's all said and done, Emily Fields is going to be my wife. So your little infatuation with her ends tonight."

Before I have time to form a response, Emily returns to the table. She slides back in next to Ben and he puts his arm around her shoulder.

She asks, "So what did I miss?"


	2. Chapter 2

"_So what did I miss?"_

It seemed like an innocent enough question when I returned from the bathroom. I could tell that I happened upon a heated conversation on my return. The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. Paige was as red as a beet. I don't know what she and Ben were talking about, but it was obviously something that upset her.

"_Nothing much babe. We were just discussing Paige's love life. Or should I say lack there of_," Ben replies. So that's why she's red, she's blushing.

"_Paige I'm sure there's plenty of girls who would love to date you. You're funny, sweet and smart. You're loyal and trustworthy. Besides look at you. You're CRAZY ho_t," I tell her. She scrunches her brow at this last comment and slight cocks her head to the side like she's trying to look inside my brain. Before I can ask her why she's giving me this look, Ben chimes in,

"_Em I didn't know you had a thing for girls_."

"_I don't_," I stammer out, "_but I can appreciate the female form when it's right in front of m_e." Paige's eyes widen with this comment and she has an amused look on her face. I see her glance at Ben who gives her a shoulder shrug like he isn't the least bit concerned with her.

"_Since we're on the subject Paige, why aren't you dating anyon_e?" I ask.

"_I honestly don't have the time to Em and even if I did, there isn't anyone available that has captured my attention_," she says.

"_Or maybe she's pining for someone else's girl and she's just waiting for the right time to make her move_," Ben interjects. I whack him in the chest when he says it.

"_Paige wouldn't do something like that. She is the most honest and honorable person I know_."

"_Besides, if I was pining for someone else's girl, it would only be because they were a jerk who didn't deserve her in the first plac_e," she spits back.

"_If you think you've got the cojones to get her then make your move_!" Ben says.

"_Whoa, whoa, whoa. What is going on with the two of you? Why are you fighting_." I look back and forth between the two of them, but no reply is forthcoming. "_Umm, hello_?" I try again. Ben squints his eyes at Paige.

"_We aren't fighting, are we cousin?_" he asks.

"_Nope, not at all cousin,_" is her response. Something really strange is going on between the two of them. I decide to brush it off. I'll ask them about it when they're not together.

"_Good I'm glad that's settled cause the night is still young and I want to go do karaoke,_" I say.

"_I'm really tired babe. Plus there's still a lot of things I have to get done before heading up to school next week. Practice starts for me on Monday_," Ben explains.

I'm disappointed but I understand.

"_Paige_?"

"_Sure, I'm always down for a good time_,"she says.

We split the check and head to the door. Ben grabs me by the waist and pulls me into him. I smell a faint hint of something that isn't Ben's cologne. It's familiar, but I can't quite place my finger on it.

"_You try not to get into too much trouble tonight. Don't go falling in love with someone else_," he whispers in my ear. I pull back slightly to look at his face and see him smirking jokingly.

"_Ha, ha baby. You know I only have eyes for you_," I reply

"_Good. Let's keep it that way_," he says seriously. He gazes at me for a long while before he says, "I love you." He punctuates that declaration with a long slow kiss. I'm caught off guard by his actions. We've kissed a million times before, but Ben has never been one for big PDA.

"_I love you too_," I manage to get out after catching my breath. I turn to ask Paige if she's ready to go and she looks like she trying to melt into the decor.

"_Are you alright_?" I ask.

"_Yes I'm just ready to go. Unless you guys feel the need to make out some mor_e," she snaps.

"_Sheesh! Alright, alright. Ben I'll text you later when I get i_n."

"_Ok beautiful. Hey McCullers make sure you keep an eye on MY girl_."

Paige doesn't respond. She just gives Ben a look that would have me buying a black dress if looks could kill.

"_Paige, do you want to pick me up from house in about an hour? I want to change before we go out_," I ask.

"_Sure Em. I'll see you in a little bi_t."

Exactly an hour later I hear my doorbell ring. A few seconds later, I hear my mom bellowing that Paige is here. I check my hair and makeup one last time in the mirror before I grab my bag and head downstairs. I hear them chatting by the front door and I'm stopped cold in my tracks. Paige is wearing a gray button up shirt and vest, black leather pants that look like a second skin and motorcycle boots. I see wisps of her hair have escaped from the ponytail that is underneath her black knit beanie. When I told her she was crazy hot earlier, I was far from exaggerating.

"_Wow! You look amazing as usua_l," she says.

"_Eh, I do what I can_." We both give each goofy grins.

"_You girls have fun and don't stay out too late o_k," my mom says.

"_Ok mom. Oh, I'll probably be staying over at Paige's if that's o_k."

"_Just text me so I know you guys made it in_," she says as we had out of the door. I hop in the passenger side and we head on our way to our destination. The car ride is pretty silent for the first few minutes. I know Paige can feel me staring a hole in the side of her head. She finally glances at me and ask "What?"

"_Are we going to talk about what you and Ben were fighting about_?" I ask.

"_No_," is her reply.

"_Why not_?"

"_Because_."

"_Because isn't an answer Paige_," I tell her

"_Well it's the one I'm giving you_," she volleys back.

"_Well I don't accept it_."

"_Look, we have a difference in opinion on something and have decided to agree to disagree. Does that answer appease her majesty_?" she asks.

I smirk triumphantly before sticking my tongue out at her. "_Very much so thank yo_u."

"_Since we're spilling secrets, care to tell me what was troubling you earlier_?" she questions.

I sigh deeply. "_I'm afraid of going off to college_." She glances at me with a question on her face but doesn't speak. I continue, "_not so much the college part, but the Ben and I part. Things have been kind of weird between us lately and I don't know what to make of i_t." I see her grip the steering wheel tighter.

"_Weird like how_?" She asks.

"_He's just been so hot and cold lately. I think he's losing interest in me. We're about to go off to a big university and he's a football player. There's going to be all kinds of girls throwing it at him every chance they get and I just don't know if I can compete_," I sigh defeated.

"_Can't compete? Are you crazy!" Paige says incredulously. "Do you know who you are? You're Emily Fields. Hot shot swimmer that Penn was so eager to recruit that they offered you a full ride. You're fun and loving. You have the biggest heart of anyone I know. And have you looked in a mirror lately? If my face looked like yours I wouldn't be able to accomplish anything. I'd be too busy staring at the mirror in awe of how gorgeous I am_."

I laugh out loud from that last remark. She continues, "_Anyone would be lucky to have you and if Ben doesn't recognize that, he's a bigger jackass than I thought_." We ride in silence for a little while before Paige asks,"_Tell me something good_."

A genuine smile appears across my lips as I glance over at her. This has been something we have done for each other over the years. Whenever one of us is down, the other asks them to "tell them something good". It serves as a reminder that even though everything might not be going our way, we still have so much to be grateful for.

"_I'm so glad we're going off to college together. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you by my side_." She smiles and reaches across to take my hand.

"_You know I have your back M&M_."

"_Wow I didn't expect it to be this crowded on a Thursday night_," I say as we make our way to the bar of our favorite karaoke spot.

"_Looks like everyone else had the same good idea that we did_," she says

"_Did you bring your fake with you_?"

"_No, why did you?" she asks._

"_Yes indeedy. Looks like you're our designated driver for the evening_." She makes the cutest scowl. "_Sorry, not sorry_," I reply.

"_So what'll you ladies be have_?" the bartender asks.

"I'll have a Vodka Seven," I respond.

"_And for you_?" he asks Paige.

"_I'll just have the Seven please_."

While we wait for our drinks, Paige makes a gesture towards the stage.

"_Let's go sign up for a song_," she says.

"_Oh no, no, no. Not yet. Not all of us are fortunate enough to be a cross between Alicia Keys and Adele_." I raise my glass and add, "_Let me get a few more of these in me first. But you go right ahea_d."

I see her shaking her head and chuckling as she makes her way to sign up to sing. As I watch her walk away, I can't help but notice that she has a swagger about her that's almost spellbinding. I realize I'm not the only one who notices. Paige has managed to turn quite a few heads.

" _Why hasn't she dated anyone in a while_," I wonder.

I don't get to dwell on it long, because I hear the emcee announce, "ladies and gentleman please put your hands together for our next performer Paige." I clap and whistle loudly for her.

"_Thanks everyone. This one is an oldie but goodie. I hope you all enjoy it. If you know the words don't be afraid to sing along_," she says.

As I hear the open guitar riff for "_Hotel California_", all I can do is roll my eyes and groan. Of course she didn't pick a song from this decade. I don't even think she knows anything made after 1980. Feel as I might about her song selection, there's no denying that she is talented. She's belting the lyrics out and the crowd is eating up. I get caught up in the euphoria as well and sway and sing along. When she finishes she gets a standing ovation. I laugh as she makes her way back to me.

"_You're so in your element when you're up on that stage aren't yo_u?" I ask her.

"_What can I say, I love to perform_," she replies.

"_Well come on superstar, my glass is empty and I need a refil_l."

I grab her hand as not to lose her as we make our way back to the bar. While we're waiting for our drinks, I notice a guy staring at us.

"_You guys are very attractive couple_,"he says.

"_Oh we're not a couple,_" I tell him.

"_What a shame. Regardless, you two are really hot together. If you're interested we could get out of here and have some real fu_n," he says.

"_Hey perv, the lady isn't interested so keep it stepping_!" Paige interjects.

The guy sees the "fuck off now" face Paige is making and takes his leave.

"_Can you believe some peopl_e," Paige says.

"_He thought we were a coupl_e," I say.

"_No he didn't Em, he was just trying to see if we'd hook up with him. That was his way of seeing if you were down_."

"_What, really_?" I ask.

"_Oh my naive, innocent Em. I have so much to teach you_."

With the exception of the creep at the bar, the rest of our night is a blast. After few more drinks, I have enough courage to get on stage and do a duet with Paige. I'm still crooning out the jams as she drives us home.

"_Em are you drunk_?" She asks.

"_No_," I giggle.

She glances at me. I giggle some more.

"_Ok maybe. Have I told you how hot you are tonight_?" I ask.

"_Yes, a few times actually, but thanks all the sam_e."

"_I mean it Paige. You look SO good. If I liked girls I'd so do you McCullers_," I moan out. I glance at her and I could swear she's blushing. This alcohol has me seeing things. Damn, maybe I'm more inebriated than I thought.

"_I know you said you don't have time to date, but when we get to school promise me you'll at least consider the idea_." She doesn't respond. "_Please Skittles? I love you so much and can't stand to see you alone." _

"_Ok I'll think about it_," she concedes.

"_Yeah_!" I exclaim.

She parks in her driveway and shuts off the engine.

"_I'm so glad we went out tonight. I had so much fun_." She turns to me and has this soft look in her eye. I feel my heart beating on my chest like it's trying to break free.

_What the heck is going on with me_.

She smiles and says,"_Yeah me too_."

We make our way in the house and in to her room. We each go through the motions and get ready for bed.

"What side do you want tonight?" She asks.

"I want all the sides," I say.

"Ok princess how bout you take right side and I'll take the left?"

"Only if we get to do big spoon little spoon," I say.

"We only do that when you're sick."

"But I am sick. The whole room is spinning and if you don't hold me I'll spin away," I pout.

"Oh fine," she huffs out.

She turns out the lights and I get in first. She gets in behind me and pulls me close. I sigh and close my eyes.

"Love I meant what I said when I told you I'm glad we're going to school together. You're such an important part of my life. I really and truly do love you. You're the greatest friend a girl could have."

As I'm drifting off, I hear her whisper, "I love you too, Em."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: First off all, you guys are FREAKING AWESOME! This is my first foray into writing fanfic and I'm pleased and in awe that you all like it so far. Thank you for all the love. I'm very grateful for all of the follows/ favs, pm's and reviews. Please keep them coming. I read them all. And if you're reading and enjoy what you see, please follow me. That's what let's me know you like my little story. I have to ask you guys to be patient and forgive me if the pace is a little slow right now. I'm trying to set the foundation and introduce all the players in this tale. I promise it will pick up and get to the juicy stuff soon. Enough with me rambling on. Off to the story...**

_Two weeks later_

_"I love you too, Em_."

I keep playing this phrase in my mind over and over again. Emily and I tell each other "I love you" all of the time, but lying there holding her while she waxed poetic about how great I was, it felt different. My heart was beating a million miles a second. I felt like I was going to die from the sheer amount of love and adoration I have for her. It took everything in my power not to tell her everything right there. About Ben, about how I love her and have loved her since we were ten. Thank goodness she was as wasted as she was. Otherwise, she would have known something was up.

"_The greatest friend a girl could have_."

_Friend_. That's all she sees me as. That's probably all she'll ever see me as. Maybe that's for the best. These thoughts are soon invaded by the sound of Emily's voice as I slowly drift back to full consciousness. The melody of some sugary pop song plays while Emily sings about having one less problem. I open my eyes and peek out of the passenger side window trying to gauge where we're at. All that's visible is country side as far as the eye can see.

"_Em, it's a good thing you got a full scholarship to school. Cause if you had to rely on your singing to pay the bills, you'd be S.O.L_.," I yawn as I try to wake up from a much needed nap.

"_Ha, ha, ha. Maybe you should forego college and start a career as a stand up comedian_," she says. "_Some of us have to sing for our supper. Not everyone is lucky enough to have Mr. Moneybags for a father_," she adds.

"_Trust me, it's not all it's cracked up to be_," I mumble. "_What in thee world are you listening to_?" I ask her.

"_Well hello mom. Nice to see you. When did Paige leave_?" she jokes.

"_Look who has jokes now. Seriously Em, this song is ridiculous_."

"_No it isn't, but I'm hardly surprised that you don't like a song that was made in this century_," she says.

"_It's not my fault that all current music is crap_."

"_Not all current music is crap. How dare you insinuate that Queen Bee doesn't make quality music. I almost ended our friendship and made you walk the rest of the way to Penn,_"she says with such a serious face that if I didn't know her I wouldn't know she's joking.

"_Ok maybe not all of it, but the majority of it is. There's no substance, no really emotion. It's all bling, turn up and my stuff is better and more expensive than your stuff. What happened to singing about the things in life that really matter_?" I rant.

"_Wow grandma, on your soapbox much_?"

"_Whatever. I don't expect you to understand. You wouldn't know good music if it ran you over with a semi truck_," I say.

"_Excuse me? You're familiar with my parents right? Wayne and Pam Fields? All I heard growing up was jazz, blues, r&b and soul music. I can't help it that I like Miley as much as I like Miles."_

"_I guess. Where are we anyway_?" I ask.

"_About an hour and a half a wa_y."

"_Well could we make a stop? I'm about due for a potty break_." She nods her head in the affirmative and we ride in a comfortable silence. After a while she asks,"_Can you believe we're about to move into our college dorms? I seems like only yesterday you were daring me to skinny dip with you in the creek_."

"_It does seem kind of surreal, but I'm excited for things to come_," I tell her. She pulls into a gas station and I hop out.

"_Do you want anything while I'm in there_?"

"_Just for you to hurry up_," she says sweetly while batting her eyelashes.

"_Yes dear,"_ I chuckle. Ever since I found out about Ben cheating on Emily, things have been kind of strained between us. Not just Ben and I, but Emily and I as well. I hate keeping secrets from her. I've told her absolutely everything from the moment I meet her. This little road trip has been doing us some good. I'm starting to feel like we're Emily and Paige again. Hopefully now that the three of us are away from the madness that is Rosewood, things can starting getting back to normal. Ben is miles away from Alison, so out of sight out of mind right? As I approach the car, I hear that Emily is blasting the stereo. I open the door to her singing "_I got my mind made up, man, I can't let go. I'm killing every second til it saves my soul."_

"_Finally! Something we both can rock to_!"

When we arrive on campus, I feel like an eight year old who's gone to Disney World for the first time. My eyes get big and my mouth is wide open.

"_Impressive right?_" Emily asks. As part of the campaign to recruit her, she got the opportunity to tour the campus last winter. She's already experienced the grounds and all their splendor. She hardly has the same feelings of awe and wonder as I do.

"_This place is beautiful Em. Why didn't you tell me?_" I ask.

"_The look on your face right now is priceless. How could I have denied you this moment_?" We manage to navigate our way to her dorms and find a decent spot to unload.

"_Want to find where your room is first before we start unpacking_?" I suggest.

"_Sure_," she says. We make our way to the office to retrieve her key and room number, as well as who she'll be rooming with.

_So who'd you get_?" I ask her.

"_My roommate's name is Hanna Marin_," she says. We make our way to Emily's room. As we near the door I can hear a heavy bass beat playing. Emily unlocks it so that we can enter.

"_I'm so fancy! You already know_!" some girl, who I assume is Hanna, is singing and dancing around while she unpacks her stuff. At least they have similar taste in awful music. Score one for Hanna. She turns around after a second and jumps.

"_Holy shit! You guys scared the crap out of me_!" She exclaims.

"_Sorry_," Emily extends her hand, "_I'm Emily and this is Paige my," _

"_Girlfriend_," Hanna says.

"_No my bestfriend actually_," Emily responds.

"_My bad. I didn't mean to imply anything. You guys just have this 'together' vibe so I assumed_," she trails off. I can feel the heat rising on my face.

"_No worries. It isn't the first time_," I say as I shake her hand.

"_Oh really_?" she says intriguingly, "D_o tell._"

"_Maybe some other time. We still have a lot of unpacking to do. Em I'm going to head down to the car and start unloading the trailer_.," I tell her. She stays behind to chat with Hanna, while I get the hell out of dodge. Am I really that obvious when it comes to my feelings for Emily? When I get back to the room with the first load, Emily says, "_Hey Hanna mentioned a sort of meet and greet for all the freshmen at the Hub tonight. Do you want to go_?"

"_Sure_," I tell her. "_Even more reason to hurry up with the unloadin_g."

Emily and I make short work of her things and in no time we're finished.

"_That looks like everything_," I say. "_Want to head over to my place next_?"

"_Yes. See you later tonight Hanna_," Emily says.

"_Well it was nice meeting you Paige. I hope to see you around_." We make our way over to the building where my dorm room is held and I make my way inside to retrieve my keys. As we make our way to my room, I'm starting to notice that the building my room is in is quite different from the one Emily's is in. I unlock the door to my room. No, room doesn't quite explain what we enter into. This is more like a suite. There's a small living area with a couple sofas and couple of end tables and a television. A small kitchenette is to the right. A low whistle comes from Emily.

"_Still complaining about daddy's money_?" she asks.

"_I hardly need all of this Em. Besides there's no telling what he did to get me into the upperclassmen's dorms. That means he's going to lord it over my head to bend me to do his will_," I grumble.

"_Jeez Paige you make him sound so conniving and manipulative_."

"_Well if the shoe fits_." She rolls her eyes at this. We continue down the small hall off to the left and find an empty bedroom. It's not the biggest space. There's only enough room for a twin bed, dresser and a desk. On the plus side there is an en suite bathroom.

"_McCullers I hope your room mate is cool because I intend on spending mass amounts of time here. Can you imagine the parties? They'll be EPIC_," Emily says.

"_Let's see what's on the other side_," I say. We make our way to the right side of the apartment. There appears to be another room on this side. I proceed to open the door. When I do it's already occupied by a tall, pretty brunette.

"_Have you ever heard of knocking_," she bristles.

"_Sorry I didn't know anyone was in here_," I apologize.

"_Well clearly someone is_," she says.

"_Hi, I'm Paige. Your roommate and this is my bestfriend Emily_." I extend my hand for her to shake. She keeps her hands folded across her chest and looks at my hand like I have leprosy. "Okaaay. And you are?" I trail off.

"_Spencer Hastings._" _Hastings_. That name sounds so familiar, but I can't quite remember from where.

"_Since it looks like your preoccupied. Well just get on with moving my stuff in to the other room_."

"_Sure whatever,_" she says.

"_What crawled into her Wheaties and died_?" Emily asks after we've left the room.

"_Em_," I warn.

"_What?! I'm just saying she didn't have to be a complete bitch to you. This is your first time meeting_."

"_It doesn't matter. She can stay on her side of the apartment and I'll stay on mine. Let's hurry up and get this over with so we can get ready for that meet and great thing,_" I state. I had a feeling that this was going to be a long year co-habitating with one Ms. Spencer Hastings.

We manage to get done with all the madness of move in day and arrive at the meet and greet in a decent amount of time. There's a huge crowd of people milling about while the Dean is giving a welcome speech to all the incoming Freshman. Emily, Hanna and myself find ourselves a spot in the crowd to listen to it. While the speech commences, I take a moment to drink in my surroundings. The atmosphere is a buzz with the excitement of people embarking on a new life journey. They're not yet jaded by the harsh realities of the real world. I can feel the same sort of elation myself. It's quite easy to be swept up in the notion of it all. I glance to my side and notice Emily and Hanna giggling about something. They appear to have hit it off right away. Emily has the most carefree smile on her face. It never ceases to amaze me how she is breathtaking without even trying. I'm quite sure she could make walking the dog look sexy as hell.

"_Still coveting things we can't have I see_."

All the hairs on the back of neck stand on end and my blood runs cold. I turn around and come face to face with someone I thought was out of my life for good. Flowing blonde hair, stunning blue eyes and a smug look of indifference. It could only be one person.

"_Alison_," I whisper.

"_Paige, don't sound so excited to see me_," she says. I'm stunned into silence. "_You look like this is the last place you expected to see me_," she continues.

"_What are you doing here Alison_?" I spit out through gritted teeth.

"_I thought you were going to Stanford_," I growl.

She looks at me with that "Alison" look that only she can pull off before she answers, "_I was. Then things here became much more appealing to me. So I decided to stay closer to home. Oh and Ben told me that you know about our little dalliance. I trust that will be staying between the three of us."_ I just stare at her.

"_What's wrong Paige, cat got your tongue? Well I suggest it stays that way," _she says.

"_Or what?_" I final manage to get out.

"_Or your little secret won't be so secret anymore,_" she threatens.

"_I have nothing to hide_," I say.

"_Oh sure you do. Everyone has a dirty little secret or two. Even your sweet, innocent Emily_." I scoff. Alison just gives a laugh that brings me chills.

"_You should ask her about getting her Katy Perry on._" I look at her questioningly.

"_She likes the taste of my cherry Chapstick._" She winks at me and walks off before I can ask her to explain in English what she just said instead of Ali speak.

"_Who was that?_" Hanna asks from behind me.

"_Alison DeLaurentis_," Emily says. I can hear something in her voice that says she's even less pleased that Alison is here than I am.

"_She looks like a stone cold bitch._" Hanna comments.

"_That's because she is_," I tell her. "_Come on. Let's see what else this mixer has to offer_."

Emily, Hanna and I stay at the meet and greet for about another hour until we decide we've had enough. We head to one of the on campus hangouts to grab something to eat. We grab a booth and take a look at the menus. After we place our orders, we fall in to a comfortable conversation.

"_So Hanna, what are you majoring in_?" I ask.

"_Business management. My mom owns a couple of boutiques and has required me to learn the ins and outs of business,_" she says dejectedly.

"_You don't sound too enthused about that_," I say.

"_I am. Really I am. I'm just more interested in the fashion aspects of the family business_."

I shake my head sympathetically. "_I'm all too familiar with that song friend. I, too, am majoring in Business Management so that I one day might inherit that family burden_."

"_Wow, you sound like you're on your way to the guillotine,_" Hanna says.

"_Because that's what it feels like_," I say.

"_Look at the bright side pal. We get to be study buddies_," she says. I smile and shake my head. I like Hanna.

"_I keep telling her to follow her passion_," Emily says. "_She should be doing something in music. You should see her Hanna, she's amazing. She plays piano and guitar. And when she sings, heavenly_," she gushes. I start to blush something serious.

"_My, my Emily. Somebody is president of the Paige fan club," _Hanna teases_._ It's Emily's turn to blush.

"_I'm just saying. When someone loves music the way Paige does, they shouldn't just treat it as a hobby_," Emily says adamantly.

"_Mm hmm_," is all that Hanna says.

"_Enough about me. Why don't you tell her your major Em_," I say.

"_I'm majoring in English. I want it become a teacher. The plan is to one day run my own school_," Emily explains.

"_Ok Ms. I want to change the world one impressionable mind at a time_." Emily and I both laugh.

"Why did you guys decide to come to Penn State?" Hanna inquires.

"We're from Pennsylvania actually. A small town called Rosewwood. And Emily over her got recruited for the swim team," I say.

"Really?" Hanna says surprised. "You're that good Emily?"

"She's better," I say. "She's so good that they offered her a full ride to come here."

"Paige is no slouch either," Emily interjects. "She got offered a scholarship to swim here as well."

"Only a partial one. I'm not as desired as you are," I say. Emily looks over at me and we smile at each other.

"Alright already. Emily thinks Paige is great. Paige thinks Emily is great. This meeting of the Mutual Love Society is now adjourned," Hanna says.

"_So now that we've gotten all of that out of the way, let's get to more tantalizing conversation_," Hanna smiles. "_Paige can I ask you something_?" Hanna asks me.

"_Umm, sure I guess," I answer warily._

"_Are you gay? I don't mean any offense by it, but your are pinging my gaydar all sorts of crazy_." I just chuckle.

"_Yes I am Hann_a."

"_What about you Emily? Are you a lover of ladies as we_ll?" She asks

"_Oh, no no no no no_," Em says a little too quickly. "_I have a boyfriend. He's a football player. Maybe you've heard oh him. Ben Coogan_?"

"_Oh yeah, he's the new wide receiver,_" Hanna replies.

"_Why did you ask Em if she's gay, Hanna? Does she ping your gaydar too?_" I ask. Hanna looks at Emily and smiles but doesn't say a word. Emily is about to ask her what's the look for when a gorgeous girl approaches our table.

"_Excuse me I couldn't help but over hear that you're Ben's girlfriend_," the girl asks.

"_Yeah, hi, I'm Emily_."

"_Oh I know your name. Ben's description of you doesn't hardly do justice to how beautiful you are_," the girl says in a salacious tone.

"_And how do you know Ben?_" I ask feeling a bit annoyed.

"_Forgive my lack of manners. My name in Naya. I'm a cheerleader here. Be_n is a bit of a hot commodity here around campus. Very popular with everyone. And I do mean everyone." My stomach drops at what I think she's implying.

"_So Emily, maybe you and I could hang out sometime. You know, get to know each other better_," Naya flirts.

"_Ummm_," Emily stutters.

Hanna jumps in, "_She's not interested in you. She's straight, what did you say your name was_?"

"_Naya_."

"_Right, Naya, so you're barking up the wrong tree_," Hanna says.

"_Emily isn't the first girl I've meet who's told me she's straight. And do you know what happened to them?" Naya questions._

"What?" Emily asks.

"They all go straight to my bed," she grins.

"Look she said she's not interested," I say.

"She actually hasn't said 'no' to anything," Naya says matter of factly.

"Well I'm telling you she's not interested." I reiterate.

"I can catch a hint. It was nice meeting you Emily. Maybe we can chat more when your guard dog isn't around," Naya says. She gives Emily a wink, Hanna and I a look and strolls off in the direction she came from.

"Aggressive much," Hanna says. Emily is sitting looking dumbfounded.

"Are you ok Em?"I ask.

"I've never had a woman approach me like that before. It was kind of, I don't know," she says. She has this look on her face that I can't explain, but it makes me want to punch something.

"If you want me to I'll go over there and kick her ass right now," I say.

Emily grabs my hand and smiles. "That's not necessary Paige. I just wonder what she meant by that comment about Ben."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: You guys continuously shock and awe me with the amount of support and love that you show. Hope you guys don't mind the length of the chapters. It seems like with each new chapter, the characters have more to say. So I don't stop writing until they tell me to. Sorry about the grammatical errors last chapter. It was super late when I posted and I was beyond tired. I've noticed my spacing is kind of wonky when I posted my chapters as well. I'm trying to work on it. Anywho,hope you guys enjoy this one. On to the tale...**

_One month later_

College life has been so much better and way more stressful than I expected at the same time. Paige and I have settled into a nice routine. We usually run together in the mornings. We haven't wanted to get out of shape before the swim season started. Besides we like starting the day off together. Its one of the few things that helps us to not feel so overwhelmed. Depending on what day it is, we try to have lunch or dinner together. Paige, Hanna and myself meet at Paige's place twice a week to study. Paige's roommate, Spencer, seems to be sort of an ice queen. Paige says she hasn't gotten the opportunity to really get to know her better yet, but said that Spencer doesn't mind that Hanna and I are around as much as we are. Hanna and I have been spending a lot of time together. We've been having a blast, but I'm getting the opportunity to see a side of Hanna that most people aren't privy to. To the outside observer, Hanna seems like a party girl who's only ambition is to have as much fun in the next four years as possible. Being around her like I have has proven that couldn't be farther from the truth. She's smart, focused and determined. Don't get me wrong, she is a party girl, but she very much knows her own mind and where she wants to go in life. She and Paige are becoming quite close as well. They laugh and joke and tease each other incessantly. I think Hanna might have a girl crush on her. I love that they get along the way that they do. It does my heart good to see Paige take to someone who isn't Ben or myself. She's never been one for making friends. Ben is the only person I haven't seen much of lately. I knew that he would be busy with football, but it's starting to get a little ridiculous. I hardly ever see him. He's gone a lot due to away games. When he is here, there's always some excuse as to why we can't spend time together. Whether it's practice or having to watch game film or cramming for a class because he's so behind. Even when we text, he doesn't respond with more than a few words. While I'm waiting in one of the dining halls for Paige to arrive for dinner, I keep replaying the conversation I had with Naya in the diner the night of the Freshman meet and greet in regards to Ben.

"_Is this seat taken_." I look up and it's the woman in question.

"_I'm waiting for Paige actually_," I answer.

"_Surely she won't mind if I keep you company_," Naya says.

"_Ok sure_," I say.

"_So_," I start,"_Where are you from Naya_?"

"_A little town in Ohio. I'm sure you've never heard of it_," she answers.

"_What brought you to Pen_n?" I follow up with.

"_I wanted to get as far away from my little Podunk town as quick as possible. Penn offered me a scholarship to cheer. An opportunity presented itself so I took it. I was packing my bags faster than you could say 'Go, Fight, Wi_n'," she says. I laugh at her last statement.

"_So Emily, tell me about yoursel_f," she says.

I give her an abbreviated version of my life story.

"_How long have you and Ben been dating_?"

"_Almost two years. We're high school sweethearts_," I say.

"_Hmm_," is Naya's response.

"_What_?" I ask her.

"_Nothing. I'm just trying to figure out how a guy like that managed to get a girl like you. I don't know if you've noticed doll, but you have this inner glow about you that is captivating. You're light shines so bright. I know I'll get burned if I get too close, but I'll be damned if I don't mind risking it_."

I look down and blush. I've never had someone describe me that way before. She puts her hand on my chin to raise my eyes to hers. I feel a little current of electricity were her fingers touch my skin. Nothing like what I feel when Paige and I have touched lately, but there's a spark there all the same.

"_Thanks_," I reply shyly.

"_I mean it Emily. You're very special and something tells me that he doesn't appreciate you nearly as much as he should. You shouldn't have to settle_."

My heart is doing this little jumping thing and I can't stop smiling at her.

"_Hey Em, sorry to keep you waiting_," Paige says as she makes her entrance.

Naya and I jump apart.

"_Looks like your guard dog is here, so I'll be making my leave," Naya says. "Don't worry Rover. I played nice while you weren't here_," she says to Paige.

"_Don't you have a virgin to sacrifice or something_?" Paige comments.

Naya ignores her comment and looks at me. "_It was nice getting to know you Emily. We should do it again some time."_

"_What was that all about_?" Paige asks.

"_What? She's actually really nice and kind of sweet if you must kno_w."

"_We can't possible be talking about the same person. Vampire lady who practically sucked the blood from you the first time we ever met her,_" Paige says incredulously.

"_She was not that bad_."

"_No, she was worst. Promise me you'll be careful around he_r."

"_Paige_," I scold.

"_Please Em. I know you like to see the best in people and give them the benefit of the doubt, but I get a bad vibe from her_."

"_Ok Paige, I promise_." We sit for a second, both lost in our respective thoughts.

"_Are you ready for our first official practice as lady nittany lions_?" she asks me.

"_Excited doesn't even begin to describe how I'm feeling. I'm so ready but at the same time I'm a ball of nerves. This is a whole different ball game. As good as we were in high school, is doesn't mean anything now. This is the big leagues_," I say anxiously.

"_You hardly have anything to worry about. They pursued and wooed you. You're definitely ready for the big time._"

"_So are you,_" I tell her.

"_Yeah, but I have a little bit more to prove than you do_," she replies wistfully.

"_Remember we're in this together. The dynamic duo._" I smile.

"_Yeah but I'm Batman. You're Robin_."

"_Ok Dark Crusader. Let's finish this up. We have an early start tomorrow and I still have some studying to do_," I say.

"_Sure thing Boy Wonder."_...

Paige and I meet up to make our way to swim practice together. Our journey is made in relative silence. I can tell she's trying to contain her first day nerves as much as I am. We enter into The Natatorium and I realize nothing in my young life has prepared me for this moment. Sure, I had the opportunity to view the facilities while I was being recruited, but knowing that I'm about to possibly leave my own legacy here carries a different kind of weight to it. I glance over at Paige and see she's sporting a similar look.

"_I've never seen such a beautiful pool in my entire life,_" she whispers.

"_Why are you whispering_," I whisper back.

"_I feel like we're on hollowed ground_," is her reply.

We make our way to the locker room and most of the team is already there milling about and chatting. We get to the wall of lockers and search for the ones that are ours.

_Emily Fields_.

I smile when I see my name engraved on the locker's nameplate. Paige is next to me grinning like a fool.

"_We're in this thing_," she says.

I giggle and push her shoulder for being such a goofball. We change into our suits and wait for coach to make her arrival.

"_Good morning ladies and welcome to your first day of the season," Coach Murphy says. "I won't make much of a speech this morning because we have a lot of work to get done. I will say, each and everyone of you is here because you're the best of the best. Each of you ladies has something special to offer this team and together, I believe we can do great things. With that being said, you'll have to earn your spot and prove that you deserve to be in the water. Let's get out there and start the beginning of a great year_."

We're all pretty amped from coach's talk and that intensity translates into the water. The sheer amount of talent is staggering and I know I'm going to have my work cut out for me in terms of proving my worth. After practice, we all shower and change. Paige and I are sitting side by side discussing the rest of our day.

"_Your Fields, right_?"

A beautiful girl is standing behind us. She's statuesque with shoulder length hair. Smooth brown skin and a mouth that looks like it would be pretty when she smiles. But she isn't smiling right now. She's scowling.

"_Yeah, I'm Emily. Pleased to meet you_." I reach to shake her hand.

"_You can cut that shit out. I'm not here to be your friend_," she says.

Paige stands up and says, "_excuse me?_!"

I put my hand on her chest to slow her down.

"_No, no Paige. I got this._" I turn to the girl and ask, "_excuse me_?"

"_I'm here to put you on alert. I know coach moved heaven and earth to get you here, but that doesn't mean a damn thing to me. I've been the best swimmer on this team for the last two years and I don't intend to be replaced by some freshman. You better bring it everyday or I will eat you alive._"

I'm stunned by her little rant. Paige, on the other hand, is never short on words. "_Could you at least tell us who you are before you start making idle threats_?"

"_I'm Shana. You're Paige I presume. Might I add I have been looking forward to meeting you_."

Paige looks like she's about to come back with a witty remark. "_Wait, what_?" Paige asks. "_How do you know who I am_?

"_I like to follow all the new recruits if I can. I won't have anyone who can't hack it on my team. I honestly think you're the better swimmer out of the two of you_," Shana says.

"_Emily is the best swimmer I've ever seen_," Paige responds adamantly.

"_It's easy to be a big fish when you're in a little pond. This is a whole different animal. Anyway, I'd be more than willing to give you some one on one help if you're ever interested. I can help you in any area you feel necessary_," Shana offered.

"_Yeah ok sure_," Paige says.

"_See you around Paige._" She then turns to me. "_Remember Fields, bring i_t!"

Paige sits a little dumbfounded for a second. _"I think she was hitting on me_," Paige comments.

"_I think you would be right,_" I answer sarcastically.

"_Why'd you say it like that_?" she asks.

"_I didn't say it like anything_."

"_Yes you did. You said it like... Oh my gosh you're jealous_!" Paige exclaims.

"_Hardly_," I say.

"_Yes you are. You're jealous that someone likes me more than they like you_."

"_No, I'm upset that she had the nerve to come at me like that in the locker room," I_ say irritated.

"_Don't pay it much attention Em. Everybody has haters_."

"_I guess._"

"_Come on let's hurry up before we're late for class_."...

Later that evening, Paige, Hanna and I are sprawled out in Paige's living room studying.

"_Oh my gosh I need a break. I've read the same sentence, like five times_," Hanna whines.

"_Yeah I could do with a break_," Paige concurs.

She stands up to stretch. I watch the lines of her body and how her muscles flex while she's stretching. I look over and see Hanna staring at me with a smug look on her face. I look away embarrassed that I was caught leering at Paige.

"_You guys we should totally go to a party tonight_," Hanna suggests.

"_Hanna it's Monday night_," Paige says.

"_And your point is?_" Hanna says.

"_Where are we going to find a party on a Monday_?" she asks.

"_Paige we're in college. There's a party every night. Come on you guys. You're a month into your freshman year and haven't been to one party yet. Is that any way to start your college career_?"

"_She does have a point, Skittles_," I tell Paige.

"_All right, all right we can go to a part_y," Paige surrenders.

"_Yeah_!" Hanna and I say in unison.

"_But we can't stay out too long or drink too much. Em and I have an early start tomorrow_."

"_Yes mother_," Hanna says.

"_Maybe I'll text Ben and see if he wants to join u_s," I suggest.

"_Sure. Paige you should asks Spencer if she wants to come too_." Hanna says.

"_I highly doubt it, but sure I'll ask,_" she replies.

We all make plans to meet back at Paige's in an hour and a half and set off our dorm room. On the way there I get a text from Ben.

_Always down to party. Can't wait to see you. Text me the details_.-ben

I smile and send him the information. This day seems like it's turning out alright...

We are headed to some frat party Hanna found out about. A guy that she has been trying to hook up with is supposed to be there. When we enter the house, the party is already in full swing. We head to the make shift bar and pour ourselves some much needed drinks.

"_I can't believe how many people are here_," Paige remarks.

"_Told you, party everyday of the wee_k," Hanna says triumphantly.

We take our cups and make our way around the party to get a feel for it. Across the room I spot Ben talking to a couple of guys.

"_Hey you guys I see Ben. I'm going to go let him know that I'm here_," I tell the girls.

They both nod their heads and I navigate my way through the crowd. When I get close to him, I wrap my hands around his waist from behind

"_Hey baby, how long have you been here_?" I ask.

He turns around and swiftly removes my hands from his body.

"_Hey Em. I didn't know you were her_e." His eyes are searching the party while we talk.

"_Yeah the girls and I just got here_." One of the guys looks me up and down and whistles.

"C_oogan you dog where have you been hiding this one_?" the guy asks.

"T_his is my girlfriend Emily_," Ben replies. "_Em, this is Noel Kahn. He's the starting quarterback_."

"_It's a pleasure to meet you_," I say.

"_No the pleasure is all mine. If you ever get bored with this jerk, please be sure to keep me in mind_," Noel says.

"_Hey Ben, Noel! Beer pong is starting down stairs_!" some guy shouts from across the way.

"_Gotta go. Come find me before you leave okay_," Ben says. I nod in the affirmative.

"_Bye Emily_," Noel says while smiling a smile that takes up half of his face. I make my way back over to the girls.

"_Where'd Ben go_?" Paige asks.

"_Beer pong_," I say by way of explanation.

"Eno_ugh said_," she says.

"_Are we going to stand here all night or we going to party_?" Hanna asks annoyed.

"_Ok come on let's party_," Paige says...

We've been at the party for two hours now and we definitely all have a buzz going. Some of us more than others. I hear the intro to one of my favorite songs and can't contain myself.

"_Oh my gosh I love this song!_" I say.

"_Come on Paige I have to dance to this_."

"_Em you know I'm not much for dancing. Why don't you ask Ben to dance_."

"_Because I haven't seen Ben in the last hour. Who knows where he's at._"

I hear Hanna mumble something I can't decipher in response. Whatever it was, Paige is highly annoyed by it because she shoots Hanna a look.

"_Oh Paige why don't you indulge the girl. What's a little platonic girl on girl dancing between friends_," Hanna smirks.

"_Hey Paige, I didn't know you'd be here_," someone says from over her shoulder. It's Shana. Paige smiles and does this cute little head dip thing she does whenever she's feeling bashful.

"_Hey Shana good to see yo_u," she says.

"_And it is always a pleasure to see you_," Shana flirts back.

They're standing staring at each other and I think I'm going to be sick.

"_Paige I'm going to go grab a drink_." I might as well be talking to myself because neither one of them acknowledges me. I walk off in the direction of the kitchen. While pouring myself another cocktail, I try to process why, for the second time, that an interaction between Paige and Shana has me feeling some type of way. I'm trying to put a name to what I'm feeling, but can't figure out what it is.

"_Hey Fields?_" It's Naya.

"_Naya_," I say.

She notices the look of displeasure painted across my face.

"Wha_t's gotten into you_?" she asks.

"_Nothing_," I say.

I glance back in the direction of Paige and Shana. Naya flows my line of sight and smiles smugly.

"_Wanky_," she says. "_Looks like your suffering from a case of the green eyed monster_."

After a beat she says, "Do _you know what they say the cure for that is_?"

I raise my brows in question.

_"The best way to get over one girl is to get under another," _she answers_._

I scoff, "_I'm hardly interested in any girl if you must know_."

"_Really? Well you could have fooled me._"

I hear that my favorite song is almost over and say, "Come _on lets dance before my song goes of_f."

I grab her hand and lead her to the dance floor. I glance over her shoulder to make sure that Paige can see us from her vantage point. Naya pulls my body flush against hers and I feel a flutter in my stomach. That's something else that's happened for the second time today that I don't have an explanation for.

"_Am I wearing down your resolve Emily_?" she asks.

"_It's just a dance Naya_," I say.

"_Sure doll. Keep telling yourself that. Whatever helps you sleep at nigh_t."

"_Can we just shut up and dance_."

She's silent for all of a second before she says, "_I've been trying to figure you out and _yo_u know what I think_," she says.

"I_ thought we were shutting up and dancing_," I reply.

"_I think you're a spaghetti girl_."

I scrunch my face and say, "_spaghetti gi_rl?"

"_Yeah, straight until wet_."

My jaw drops in silence. I can't believe she just said that. I'm about to give her a piece of my mind when Paige appears.

"_Is everything over here ok?_" Paige asks.

"_Emily and I were just dancing Kujoe. No need to get worked up,_" Naya answers.

"_Beat it Cruela,_" Paige spits back.

"_Ouch! You cut me so deep. And just when I thought we were getting along,_" Naya feigns hurt.

"_Catch you later beautiful. Looks like you accomplished your mission_,"she shoots me a wink and strolls off.

"_Paige why'd you have to be so mean. We were only dancing,_" I say.

"_She looked like she was getting kind of handsie that's all_," Paige explains.

"_Well you didn't have to talk to her like that._"

"_I'm just looking out for you Em. I don't trust her farther than I can see her. I trust her even less when it comes to you_," Paige says. I can tell she's getting irritated.

"I _could say the same thing about Shana_."

"_That is hardly the same thing," she says intensely._

"How would you know?" I yell.

"Look Em I didn't come over here to fight with you. I was just coming to get you because Hanna and I are ready to go."

"Ok. Can we find Ben first? I told him I'd let him know when I was leaving."

Paige grabs my hand as we go in search of Ben. We head downstairs where they were playing beer pong.

"Any of you guys seen Ben?" Paige asks.

"He was headed upstairs about an hour ago," Noel answers. He and some of the guys hi five each after he says this.

Paige brings me back to Hanna and says," I'll go find him and let him know we're leaving. It'll be easier if the both of us don't go." I agree and wait with Hanna. A few minutes later Paige returns and she looks pissed off.

"Come on let's go," she says roughly. She pushes pass people and is moving so fast Hanna and I can hardly keep up.

"Hey slow down Usain Bollt," Hanna says.

"What's gotten into you?" I ask.

"Ben's an ass and I just want to get out of here!" She says coarsely. I jump at her response, but keep silent. Something has been going on between the two of them since before we left Rosewood and I plan to get to the bottom of it.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Sorry to keep you all waiting so long. It's been a hectic week. This one is a bit shorter, but is necessary to progress the story. To answer the one question that seems to keep turning up I'd like to say a few things. First and foremost, I'm a diehard Paily shipper. The only couple I ship almost as hard as Paily is Spoby. Sorry you guys! No Mchastings loving in this one. Now with that being said, some people have to take the long way around to recognize what is right in front of their face. You could say that is the case for a few of the characters in this tale. But enough of my ramblings. On to the story...**

**Nine years ago**

"_Come on Paige don't be such a chicken," Ben taunted._

_"I'm not chicken. I just don't want to get in trouble," Paige countered._

_"Chicken, chicken, chicken," Ben teased._

_Paige looked at the unlit firecracker in her hand and was conflicted. She knew what they were doing was wrong, but she couldn't look like a baby in front of her cousin. Even though he wasn't only a few month_s _older than her, Ben was like the big brother she never had. She felt like the sun revolved around him and that he could do no wrong. Ever since her mother passed, Paige felt that Ben was the only one she could depend on to always be around. He father was working himself to death to deal with his grief. This often left Paige alone. Ben was the only person who always kept her company. He told her it was alright to be sad about her mom and would offer comfort on the hard days. She would do anything to stay in his good graces._

_"It's just a harmless prank. Besides Toby is a real jerk face and deserves it," Ben reasoned._

_Paige still looked unsure. Ben said the one thing that he knew would push her over the edge._

"_You don't want to disappoint me do you?" he asked._

_Paige took a deep breath and lit the firecracker. She threw it in the shed Toby was playing in and ran. She didn't even stay to see what happened. It wasn't until much later that she learned the consequence of her actions..._

**Present Day**

"_What would you describe as the main dilemma of the protagonist?_" I mumble to myself.

I have a ten page paper due for English tomorrow and I'm barely two pages in.

"_What would you describe as the main dilemma of the protagonist_?" I say again.

For the life of me I can't seem to process what the question is asking me. I turn up my IPod and feel the calming effects of the music start to work its magic. The saying that music soothes the savage beast couldn't be a truer statement. There's something about music, whether I'm listening to it or performing it, that puts me at ease and puts all the troubles of my life in prospective. Just when I'm really getting into the drum solo that is playing I hear a knock on my bedroom door.

"_Paige there's some man here for you,_" Spencer says.

Some man, I wonder. I haven't the slightest clue who it could be.

"_Ok I'll be right out_," I answer.

I save what little I have of my paper and make my way to the living room. As soon as I turn the corner, I stop dead in my tracks.

"_Dad_?"

He stands to face me.

_"Hello Paige_."

"_What are you doing here dad_?" I ask.

"_I assumed since I'm paying an arm and a leg for you to attend this institution, I'm entitled to make an appearance when I deem necessary_," he replied.

"_I didn't mean it like that Dad. I'm just surprised to see you is all_," I stutter.

"_So how are things going_?" he asks.

"_Good I suppose. Just trying to juggle everything and maintain my sanity. Some of my classes are a little more demanding than I expected_."

He just nods his head in reply.

" _Swimming is going very well. It's a lot of early morning workouts and evening practices. It's kind of taken over my life for the most part. Nothing that I can't handle, though. We have our first meet in a couple of weeks and my chances at having a spot look pretty good,_" I say.

"_Swimming isn't interfering with your studies, is it?_" he questions.

"_No sir. I didn't mean it that way. I was just_,"

"_Paige_," he cuts me off, "_You know our agreement. I agreed to let you come here to swim as long as you maintained your grade point average. You need to make sure that you're an excellent candidate to transfer to Wharton in a couple years. I don't need your little hobby hindering that_."

"_It's not just a hobby Dad. Its important to me and I'm very good_," I interject.

"_If you were as good as you claim, you would've gotten a full scholarship. I need you to stay focused and fulfill you're academic responsibilities. You wouldn't want to disappoint me, now would yo_u?" he asks.

"_No sir, I wouldn't,_" I answer sullenly.

"_Good. I don't want my money wasted while you 'find yourself'. Speaking of my money being spent, I trust you find your living arrangements satisfactory,_" he says.

"_Yeah sure_," I mutter.

"_Paige don't mumble. It's hardly becoming of a young lady_," he scolds.

"_I said I didn't need all of this, but it's fine_."

"_Good. Now where is Benjamin? It's been awhile since I've seen him last and I miss my boy_," he says fondly.

"I _haven't seen him in a while. He's gone a lot due to football_."

"_Sorry to hear that I missed him on this trip. I couldn't be more proud of him. S tarting wide receiver for a Big Ten university. If he stays focused and on track he could be drafted to the league in no time_," my dad boasts.

I can't stand another moment of the 'How Great Is Ben' club. I decide to make a break for it.

"_Dad, you know, I have a paper due and I was actually on my way to the library when you showed up_," I fib.

"_Then I won't hold you up. By the way, tell Spencer to tell her father 'hello' for me would you? He hasn't been at the country club in a while._"

"_Sure thing dad I'll see you later,_" I say as I walk him out. He couldn't have come at a worst time. My concentration is completely shot now. Might as well wonder around campus and find a suitable distraction...

My wondering brings me to one of the many on campus coffee shops. I order my cappuccino, a banana nut muffin and find a nice quiet corner to people watch. I've always found it interesting how people behave when they assume nobody is watching. You learn the most about people when they are their truly unguarded selves. I'm brought out of the revelry of my people perusing by a soft tap on my shoulder.

"_Hi sorry to bother you_," a girl says.

I just look at her for her to continue her line of thought.

"_My name is Chloe. I'm passing out fliers for an open mic night her at the cafe. It's this Thursday. Maybe you or someone you know would be interested in performing_," she says.

I take one of the fliers and look it over. Might be worth my while.

"_Thanks Chloe. I'm Paige, by the way,_" I tell her.

"_Nice to meet you. Hopefully I'll see you there_," she says as she walks off to another table.

I look at my watch and notice I have ten minutes to make it to class. Looks like a brisk jog is in order...

"_Why is Econ so brutal_?" Hanna complains.

"_Because they want to make sure that we're serious about our major. The only way they can discern that is if they torture us first,"_ I joke.

"_Do you want to go grab something to eat_?" she asks.

"I _would love to, but I have to get this English paper done_," I tell her.

"_Ok w_ell I'll see you around. If you see Em tell her I miss her. Lately we've been like passing ships in the night," she says.

"_I think you said that kind of backwards babe, but how poetic of you_," I chuckle.

"_What can I say, I'm a regular Elizabeth Barrett Browning_," she replies.

We hug and head off in opposite directions. I'm in the most sullen of moods all of the way back to my apartment. Between the visit with my dad and my Econ class, I feel like this day couldn't get any worse. I unlock my door and find Emily sprawled out on my couch watching t.v. Just like that, a ray of sunshine has poked out from behind the storm clouds of my life. It's moments like this I'm so glad I made her a spare key.

"_Hey Em_," I call out to her.

She peeks her beautiful face over the back of the couch.

"_Hi love. Hope you don't mind I'm here eating all of you junk food and hogging all of your cable,_" she says.

"_Of course not. That's why I gave you the key Em_," I answer her.

I make my way over to her and tell her,"_Up_."

She lifts up her head and I take a seat where it used to be. She lays her head down on my lap and I feel a ball of lead drop in my stomach. I let out a long, slow breath.

She turns her head to look at me and asks,"_Are you ok love_?"

"_Yeah I'm good. Just a long day is all_," I lie.

"_Want to tell momma about it_?" she asks.

"_I'd rather not bore you with the details_," I reply.

She turns her attention back to the t.v. I close my eyes and bite my lip. I'm trying with all my strength to control my body's reaction to her. Her proximity to me has me about to crawl out of my skin and she's laying in my lap oblivious.

"_Paige, scratch my head_," she request.

She looks up at me and I raise a brow.

"_Please_," she begs.

"_Oh alright,"_ I acquiesce.

She gives me a satisfied smile and returns her attention to the show. I run my fingers through the softest silk I have ever felt and almost die on the spot. Emily watching has been demoted on my lists of guilty pleasures. Playing with Emily's hair has official become number one.

"_Mmm you're so good to me_," she moans and I feel something in a place a little lower than my stomach. I try to refocus my attention before I spontaneously combust.

"_Em, what in the world are you watching_?" I ask her.

"_Really, Paige? It's not possible that you're not up on The Real Housewives of Hollywood_," she chides.

"_Em, you know I try not to kill my brain cells whenever I can_."

"_Its not that bad, so stop being so dramatic. I'm allowed a guilty pleasure or two. We all have guilty pleasures. I'm sure you have some interesting ones_," she comments.

"_Uhhhh_," I respond.

"_Are your guilty pleasures that dirty and sordid that you can't share_?" she inquires.

I don't offer her any reply. She sits up and looks me in the eye. I turn away embarrassed.

"_Oh my gosh_!" She exclaims. "_Paige McCullers what dirty secrets are you keeping from me_?" she asks jokingly.

Her last question has me instantly feeling remorseful. I look down and think about what I am really keeping from her. The guilt has been eating me alive for a couple months now and an opportunity has presented itself for me to come clean. To hell with what Ben has on me.

"_Actually Emily_," I begin

"_No,no,no. You don't have to tell me anything_," she interjects. "_They're your secrets to keep. Besides, I know you would never hide anything important from me. I trust you with everything_," she says earnestly.

She might as well have picked up a knife and stabbed it through my heart. It would've been a lot less painful. I decide to change the subject.

"_Are you hungry? I haven't eaten since this morning_," I ask her.

"_Sure, I could eat,_" she says.

"_Ok, I'll order something. What do you want_?"

"_Pizza_!" she says enthusiastically.

"_Aww Em, again_?" I gripe.

"_What can I say. I love pizza. It's the greatest food ever_," she responds.

My sweet, beautiful Emily. What's not to love about her?...

After the awkward encounter with Emily at my place earlier this week, I've been making it a point to avoid alone time with her. I've managed to make it all the way to Thursday, but she's starting to get suspicious. I'm sitting with her and Hanna at the coffee shop trying to come up with a plausible reason why we can't study together at my place tonight. Usually it would be the three of us, but Hanna has a date. That would leave only Emily and I. I'm not in the appropriate mental space to be one on one with her right now.

"_Come on Paige. What else do you have to do that's so important_?" Emily asks.

I look up and notice Chloe across the way. A lightbulb comes on in my head.

"_Actually, the coffee shop is having an open mic night here this evening and I was planning on checking it out_," I answer proudly.

"_Why didn't you say anything McCullers_?" Hanna asks.

"_Because it was kind of a last minute decision,_" I say.

"_We could come with you,_" Emily offers.

"_No need to change your plans. Besides I want to check it out on my own first_," I reply.

"_Sure thing_," Emily says.

"_So Hanna. Landed yourself a hot I.T. nerd have you_?" I tease.

"_Caleb is far from a nerd. Hot is an accurate description though_," she says.

We all laugh and continue discussing our plans for the rest of the week...

The open mic night has a better turn out than I thought it would have. I'm fifth on the list to perform, so I take a seat and watch the other students do their thing. There's a bit of something for everyone. This seems to be the place to be if you're in the mood for a little self expression. I brought my guitar with me, but when I saw that there was a keyboard, I decided to go a different route. The guy doing spoken word had just finished his piece and it was now my turn. I approached the stage and took a seat behind the keyboard.

"_Thanks for having me this evening,_" I say. "_This is a song that I don't get to do often, but it's one of my favorites._"

The room is dead silent. I hesitate for only a split second. I press me fingers to the keys and it's like a release valve opens up. I close my eyes and open my mouth to sing the first few notes. All the pressures that I faced during the week start to fade away. My dad, the constant pressure to please him, living in the shadow of Ben. It all disappeared into nothingness. I can't explain what magic I experience whenever I perform, but it's a high like no other. I continue to play and can feel my heart and soul spill into every note that comes forth. The only thing that I can't seem to shake is Emily. If anything she becomes more present in my mind. It's like no matter what I do, I always comes back to her. Then again, it's always been her so I see no reason for that to change now. I finish the song. I was so lost in the song and the emotions it stirred in me, I didn't realize I still had my eyes closed. I opened them a received a raucous round of applause. I was kind of embarrassed by the amount of adoration, but I graciously took a bow anyway. I returned to my seat to watch the rest of the students perform. The night was winding down and the last performer was about to take the stage. Nobody was more surprised than me when I see Naya approach the mic.

"_Thank you everyone. I hope I can close out this night with a bang,_" she says.

I sit back to see what she can do. I must say she does indeed deliver on her promise to go out with a bang. I had no idea she was as talented as she is. I just assumed she was all mouth and no substance. When she's walking back to her seat, I stand up to congratulate her.

"Very nicely done Naya," I say.

"Right back at you Paige," she replies.

"Oh so you do know my name," I retort.

"Look Lassie, I was just trying to show you some love cause I thought you were hot up there. Clearly you don't know how to take a compliment," she answers.

"So you think I'm hot?" I ask.

"Of course that's all you heard. No offense, but your not my type. I only have eyes for Emily. And something tells me I'm not the only one," she states.

I look away and blush. Do I have an 'I love Emily Fields' tattoo on my forehead that everyone can see except me?

"You're going to need to do something about that. But don't worry Fido. You're secret is safe with me," she pauses, "For now." With that she sashays out of the door.

She was right about one thing, I did need to deal with my feelings for Emily. Now if only I could figure out how.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Sorry for so much time passing between post. Life has been extra busy lately. I'm trying to get back any my schedule of posting every few days versus once a week. Anywho, thus started off as one lengthy chapter. I decided it was entirely too long, so I split it into two chapters. Here's part one...**

**Eight Years Ago**

_Emily was having a tea party with Rose and Mr. Fluffy, her two favorite stuffed animals, in her back yard. She was in the process of serving everyone when she heard the distinct sound of sniffles coming from the yard next door. She pulled one of her chairs over so that she could look over the fence._

_"Are you ok," Emily asked the girl._

_Paige, realizing she was no longer alone, wiped her tears and tried to put on her best brave face._

_"Yeah I'm fine," Paige answered._

_"You don't look fine. You look like you're crying," Emily noted._

"_I wasn't crying. My eyes were just bothering me," Paige lied._

_She crossed her arms over her chest and took a defensive stance._

_"Ok if you say so. Hey I'm having a tea party. Do you want to come over?" Emily asked._

_Paige scrunched up her face like she had caught a whiff of something rancid._

"_Tea party?! I don't do things like that. Tea parties are for girls." Paige answered._

_"In case you haven't noticed, you are a girl," Emily replied._

_"I know but I don't do girly things."Paige said._

_"Well what do you like to do?" Emily asked._

"_Fishing, climbing trees, flying kites, building model planes. You know, cool stuff," Paige said._

_"Tea parties can be very cool," Emily said._

_"I really doubt that," Paige answered._

_"Why don't you come over and I'll show you," Emily suggested._

"_Sure, ok"..._

**Present Day**

These last few weeks have been some of the most taxing that I have ever experienced. Swim practice has been crazy intense. Shana has been a woman of her word as far as being a constant pain in my behind. I try not to let it bother me. Paige tells me to use it as motivation to be even better. I wouldn't expect anything less from her though. She thrives off of the adversity. I've missed her these past few weeks. With the exception of swim practice, I haven't seen much of her. The three of us would usually study together a couple times a week, but Hanna has been spending massive amounts of time with her new boy toy. Whenever I suggest Paige and I studying together, she gets super antsy and always has a lame excuse why it isn't a good day. Something is going on with her, I just can't figure out what. If I didn't know any better, I would think she's avoiding me. Pair that with the stress of midterms and I feel like I'm about to lose it. I find myself in the library trying to cram as much information in my brain as humanly possible. I feel a light tap on my shoulder and look up to see a smiling Naya standing over me. The two of us have been spending a lot of time together to Paige's dismay. She feels Naya is conniving, manipulative and simply put, a bitch. I've come to realize that it's just a front she shows to people. A defense mechanism if you will. She's really a gentle soul when you get to know her. She sits down across from me.

"_Hi beautiful_," she whispers.

"_Hey you_," I answer back.

She gives me a sultry, soul piercing stare and I suddenly feel bashful. I find myself in an intense stare off with her. It's become kind of a game of chicken between the two of us. As usual, I lose this game and look away first. She gives me a quiet, triumphant chuckle.

"_So what brings you to the library this fine afternoon_?" she asks.

"_Ugh, trying to wring every last bit of information from this psychology book that I can_," I answer.

"_And how's that going for you_?"

"_I'd rather poke my eyeballs out,_" I answer.

That makes her chuckle.

"_And Shana has been making my life a living hell_," I add.

"_I will so kick her ass for you if you want me to_," she says seriously.

"_No need for that. I can handle her,"_ I say.

"_Are you sure?_" she asks.

"_Yes I'm sure. Besides I think she could take you,_" I joke.

"_I seriously doubt that. Don't let the gorgeous face and amazing sense of style fool you. It goes down where I come from_," she answers.

I smile at her and we're back to staring at each other again. I find that I really enjoy being around Naya. Especially with Paige being m.i.a. lately, she's been a welcome distraction. When I'm around her, I'm so relaxed. I laugh and I smile. I'm not thinking about trying to be an amazing swimmer or my deteriorating relationship with Ben. Ben. That's been a point of contention in my life lately. Naya sees the sad look in my eyes and reaches across to grab my hand.

"_What's the matter doll_?" she asks me.

I just shrug my shoulders.

"_You know what you need?_" she asks.

"_What_?"

"_A little tension reliever,_" she answers with a suggestive look on her face.

"_Naya what exactly are you proposing_?" I ask her.

"_Get you mind out of the gutter. I was just thinking of a little get together. A little food. A little music. Some liquor and a few friends. A good time will be had by all,_" she says.

"_And where would this take place? My dorm room is hardly big enough for a party._"

"_Doesn't Scooby have an apartment? I'm sure she'd be willing to let you have it there,"_ she says.

"_Her name is Paige, Naya_. _Why do you_ two _dislike each_ _other so much_?" I ask.

"_I can only speak for myself, but I don't dislike her. The name calling is all in good fun. I just think there's tension between us because we want the same thing and neither one of us likes to lose,_" she answers.

"_And what prize are you two fighting for_?" I ask.

"_If you don't know doll, then I can't tell you. So are you going to ask her or no_?" She asks.

"_Yes, I'll ask_," I say.

"_Good. Just let me know the where and when and I'll take care of the rest. Oh and invite whoever_," she says.

She stands to leave and waves goodbye. I wave back and smile at her retreating figure. Yea, I really like her. I send a text to my long lost bestfriend.

_**Just making sure you're still alive.**_

_**Haha. I've just been busy**_.

_**Well I miss u.**_

_**I miss u too.**_

_**I'd like to see u soon.**_

_**Ok when?**_

_**How about we have a get together at your place.**_

_**Cool just let me know when.**_

_**Ok.**_

Looks like we're having a party at Paige's...

This little get together is proving to be exactly what I needed. Paige and Hanna have us laughing so hard that my sides hurt. Naya and Paige are actually being civil to each other. Even Spencer decided to join us. She's still a little aloof, but I can tell she's trying to make an effort. I'm trying to focus on the story that Hanna is telling, but Naya is driving me to distraction and I can't explain why. She's managed to sit as close to me as humanly possible without us actually touching. She has her body angled in a way that she's able to interact with everyone but it's clear that I'm her main focus. Her head is resting on her hand, which is resting on the back of the sofa, and I can feel her breath on my neck every time she laughs. I get goosebumps every time she does it. She has been flirting with me incessantly ever since she arrived. Even more so than usual. Part of me feels guilty for letting her flirt with me. I mean, I have a boyfriend. Another part of me doesn't want her to stop. It has been so long since I've felt completely and unequivocally desired by someone. Naya wants me and makes no bones about letting anyone know that. On several occasions she's said that if Ben doesn't get his head out of his ass, she'll swoop in and steal me away. I'm at such a lost as what to do about he and I. I try to reach out and connect with him, but nothing seems to help. I think our relationship has run its course, but I just can't bring myself to say the words out loud. I don't know at what point I checked out of the conversation, but I'm brought back to the present by a gentle caress on my arm.

"_Hanna asked you a question doll,_" Naya says to me.

"_Yea Em. I asked how are things going on the 'Ben' front_?" she asks.

I sigh.

"_They aren't,_" I answer.

"_I can talk to him if you want," _Paige offers.

"_Don't worry about it. I've got it under control,_" I say.

"_So Spencer, where are you from?"_ Hanna asks.

"_Rosewood actually,"_ she answers.

"_Really? Em aren't you guys from there?_" Hanna questions.

"_Yes we are but I'm afraid I don't know you from anywhere, Spencer,_" I say.

"_You wouldn't. I went to a private school. My father is an acquaintance of Paige's father. They run in some of the same circles,_" she answers.

I see a look of recognition cross Paige's face. I guess she does know more about Spencer than she originally thought. Our conversation is interrupted by a knock at the door.

"_That's probably the pizza. I'll get it,_" I say.

I grab my wallet and head to the door. I open it and am greeted by the most unwelcoming of sights.

"_Fields_," Shana says.

"_Shana_," I answer flatly.

Next to Shana is the devil herself with a satisfied smirk on her face.

"_Alison_," I say.

"_Well hello Emily. It's lovely to see you again. Are you going to invite us in or are we expected to stand at the door all night?_" she asks.

I yell over my shoulder,"_Paige some friends of yours are here._"

She makes her way to the door and I can tell she's less than pleased. Shana, on the other hand, is more than happy to see Paige. Her whole disposition has changed.

"_Hey Paige. I hope it's not a problem that I brought Ali along. You said it was just a little get together. I figured you wouldn't mind another person joining the fun_," Shana says.

Paige looks in Alison's direction and forces a smile.

"_Of course it isn't a problem. The more the merrier. Please come in and make yourselves comfortable,_" Paige answers.

"_Thanks Paige. This is a nice little place you have here," _Alison says.

They make their way to the living room and have a seat on the couch across from where Hanna and Paige are sitting on the floor. Ever the hostess, Paige goes about making introductions.

"_You guys, this is Shana and Alison. Shana is on the swim team with Emily and I and Alison is,_"

"_An old friend_," Alison answers for her.

"_Right_," Paige says. She continues,"_This is Spencer, Hanna and Naya_."

"_Shana it's nice to meet you, but I'm afraid Alison and I are very familiar with each othe_r," Naya says.

"_That's interesting, how so?_" Hanna asks.

"_We know a lot of the same people,_" Alison answers.

"_Yea and I tend to like to keep my eyes on sneaky, back stabbing skanks. So of course I'm quite aware of who Alison is,_" Naya says.

"_Oh kiss my ass,_" Alison responds.

Naya rises from her seat.

"_Bitch make me_!" she shouts back.

"_Whoa ladies calm down. No need for all the hostility. Why don't we let cooler heads prevail and have a seat_," Spencer says.

"_I'm willing to bury the hatch for tonight if she is,_" Alison says.

"_As long as I can bury it in that hoe's head_," Naya spits out.

I grab her by the arm.

"_Come on Naya. Let's just enjoy the night. Remember this was supposed to be my stress reliever. Play nice for me, please_?" I ask.

"_Ok I'll be civil for you. But one word out of line and I'm giving that broad the business,"_ Naya says.

We all return to our seats. No one says a word and we just look at each other. The tension is getting to be a little ridiculous. Thank goodness for Spencer.

"_Ladies lets play a game,_" she suggests.

"_A drinking game_?" Hanna asks.

"_Is there any other kind?_" Spencer replies.

"What's the game?" Paige asks.

"_I Never,_" Spencer says.

A sly smile crosses Naya's face.

"_Oh I like this game,_" she laughs.

"_How do you play_?" I ask.

Spencer stands and distributes a beer to everyone first.

"_Well the rules of the game are simple. When it's your turn, you make a declaration and pose it in the form of the statement 'I never'. Everyone who has done what it is you say you haven't takes a drink."_

I give her a confused look.

"_I'll go first,_" Naya says.

"For example, I'll say 'I've never attended Penn State.' Since all of us go here, everyone takes a drinks," she explains.

We all take a drink from our beers.

"So who's next?" Naya asks.

"I'll go," Paige volunteers.

"I've never swam for a collegiate team," she says.

She, Shana and I drink to that one.

"My turn. I've never dated a jock," I say.

Everyone but Spencer drinks to that one.

"I've never kissed a hot nerd," Hanna chimes in with a smile.

She and Spencer take a swig of their beers.

"You have a thing for nerds, Spencer?" Naya asks.

"What can I say. I enjoy someone who is my intellectual equal," she replies.

"Ladies this is really dull. 'I Never' is supposed to be a lot more titillating than this," Alison interjects.

"Why don't you go next then?" Paige suggests.

"I'll go," Shana jumps in.

"I've never wanted someone I can't have," is her statement.

Paige looks at me for the briefest of seconds before she looks away and takes a drink. I see a little flicker of hurt before she does. Naya, Hanna and Spencer take a sip as well.

"You've never wanted someone you couldn't have Alison?" asks Hanna.

"Ha! I get any and everyone that I want. You can bet that," she replies haughtily.

Naya rolls her eyes.

"Emily didn't drink either," Shana points out.

"Umm, do you not see her? You'd have to blind or insane to turn her down," Naya answers.

I look over and see Paige roll her eyes.

"Alison, it's your turn," Spencer says.

"I've never slept with another girl's boyfriend," Alison states.

She looks Paige dead in the eyes while she drinks her beer like she's daring her to say something. Paige looks like she wants to leap across the room and strangle Alison. I glance to my right and notice that Hanna and Naya take a drink as well.

"What!? I didn't know he had a girlfriend when I slept with him," Hanna defends herself.

"I've never kissed a girl," Shana goes again.

Alison, Paige, Shana and Naya all take a drink. I hesitate and look up to find Alison staring at me. She looks like she's ready to out me at any second. I reluctantly take a drink of my beer. Paige almost chokes on the swallow she's taken when she sees this.

"I knew it!" Naya exclaims. "I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew you had taken a dip in the lady pond before."

"Why is this the first time I'm hearing this?" Paige asks.

"It wasn't a big deal," I say nonchalantly.

"Emily sweetie I hardly think you can discount the first time you kissed a girl. Besides, if she convinced you to kiss her, she must have been an exquisite creature," Alison says.

"Well according to her, it wasn't real. It was only practice for when we would be kissing boys," I answer.

"She must be an idiot then, because there's no way in hell I'd consider kissing you to be anything less than heaven on earth," Naya says.

"Maybe she was just doing Emily a favor. You know, helping her find herself," Alison responds.

"Maybe she was a manipulative, scheming bitch who was out to play on Emily's feelings for her own personal gain," Naya answers.

Naya and Alison stare each other down and the room has gotten eerily quiet. Paige is still trying to process that I kissed a girl and never told her. Spencer is watching the play by play like she's at Wimbledon. Hanna is sitting silently, but I can see the wheels turning in her head. She's way too perceptive and it's making me nervous. Thank goodness I'm saved by the bell.

"That must be the pizza for real this time," I say.

I get up to retrieve it and am grateful for a break in the action. I return with the food and everyone digs in. We decide to take a break from the game.

"Shana, how do you and Alison know each other?" Hanna asks.

"Ali and I go way back. Her grandmother lived next door to my family down in Georgia. We'd hang out every summer when she would come to visit," Shana says.

"Shana has always had a special place in my heart," Alison says.

We continue with light conversation as we eat. Naya leans over to whisper to me.

"It's getting late doll. I think I'm going to head out."

"Let me get my stuff and I'll walk back with you," I tell her.

"You don't have to do that."

"But I want to," I say.

We stand together to make our leave.

"Naya and I are going to go," I announce.

"Are you sure Em? You're always welcome to crash here," Paige offers.

"No, I don't want to let Naya walk alone this late," I say.

She looks disappointed that I'm leaving. I grab my things and we say our goodbyes. As soon as we're outside, we can feel the briskness in the air. It is chilly this time of year. I put my hands in my pockets to keep them warm. Naya intertwines her arm with mine and presses herself against me as we walk.

"Can I ask you something?" she says.

"Sure," I reply.

"Alison was the girl you kissed, wasn't she?"

I stop and look at Naya's face. She knows the truth so there's no point in lying to her.

"Yes. How'd you know?" I question.

"It was written all over your face the moment the words left her mouth. That and the fact that she had an awful lot to say about the experience. It wasn't hard to figure out for someone as intuitive as myself," she says.

"Dammit," I whisper.

"What?" she asks.

"If that's the case, I think Hanna knows as well."

"I wouldn't put it past her. That Hanna is a smart one," she says.

I sigh exasperated.

"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone," she says. She wraps her arm back in mine and we continue walking.

"You do know that now that I know you've kissed at least one girl it makes me want you more now than ever right?" Naya teases.

"Naya, you know I have a boyfriend."

"I do, but you can't blame a girl for dreaming."

I laugh and shake my head. Naya is nothing if not persistent.

"In all seriousness Emily, you do know that I desire you, don't you?" she asks.

I swallow hard and shake my head yes.

"Yet you still spend time with me knowing that I want more than a platonic relationship with you. Why is that?"

I shrug my shoulders in response. We continue to walk in silence, both lost in her own thoughts. Being around Naya lately has me questioning all sorts of things about myself. She makes me feel things that I shouldn't. Things that only Ben used to make me feel. When I'm around her I feel like I'm finally breathing. Like the skin I'm in is so perfectly right. Not to mention she makes me feel so wonderfully beautiful. I'm told how attractive I am all the time, but when she says it, I actually feel it. I lean in closer to her and let out a breath. She lays her head on my shoulder.

"Promise me something doll. When you figure out why you like having me around, I'll be the first one you tell?" she asks.

I don't answer her, but I think about her question. I think I've known the answer for a while, but I afraid to admit it to myself. Could I be... gay?


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: First off for a little background/ point of reference for this chapter. The song Paige sings at open mic night is One and Only by Adele. If you haven't heard it, listen to it before you read this chapter. It helps that part of the story make more sense. Secondly, I knew the last chapter was going to shake things up but I had no idea I was going to ruffle so many feathers. Naya definitely is doing what I want her to do. Some us know from jump exactly who we are, while others need a little guidance down their path of discovery. Think of Naya as Emily's lesbian Sherpa if you will. She's helping her to navigate this particular part of uncovering her true self. All I ask you guys is for faith and patience. On to the drama...**

It's been a week since the debacle know as the get together at Paige's place happened. I've been a jumble of emotions ever since. I've been distancing myself from Naya lately. I've been trying to decipher if the things I'm feeling are an actual visceral attraction to her or if I'm just trying to compensate for the lack of attention from Ben. I'm starting to believe it's more of the former than the latter. I'm becoming more and more certain that Ben and I have reached the end of our time together. It's hard to come to grips with it. He's been such an integral part of my life for so long. Even before we started dating, we were good friends. I don't know how I'm going to cope with him not being apart of my life. That might be the reason I've been hanging on to the last shreds of this relationship hoping things will change. I don't like to fail and I hate to disappoint people. I feel like everyone would be let down if we broke up. I ignore the feelings of dismay and despair associated with him for now and decide to focus my energy on a relationship I can repair. Paige has been pulling this disappearing act for long enough. Its time I do something about it. I knock on her apartment door and wait for her to answer. When none is forthcoming, I use my key and let myself in.

"_Paige, Spencer_," I call out.

There's no answer. I see Paige's keys on the kitchen counter, so I know she's here. I make my way to her room and knock on the door. There's, again, no answer. She must have her earbuds in. Whenever she's listening to music, she zones out into another world. I open her door and sure enough, she's rocking out to whatever is playing on her IPod. She's sitting on the floor with her books and notes spread out. She looks adorable. She looks up and realizes she isn't alone. She jumps a little when she sees me.

"_Hey, I didn't mean to startle you. You didn't answer so I let myself in. Hope that's ok,_" I say.

"_It's ok Em. You don't have to get clearance every time you use your key_," she answers.

"_Can we talk?"_ I ask.

She looks like a deer caught in the headlights. I've never seen Paige afraid of a having any kind of exchange with me. It makes me more determined now than ever to get to the bottom of what's going on between us. She gives me a slight head nod and I take that as permission to continue.

"_I miss you_," I whisper.

"_What are you talking about, Em? I haven't gone anywhere,_" she replies.

"_Not physically, but you've checked out on me mentally_," I tell her.

She sighs, but doesn't say anything.

"_I miss us being us. We don't hang out anymore. We barely talk. I takes an act of God to get you to text me back. I feel like a part of me is missing and I don't like it_."

"_Em_," she says.

"_Seriously Paige. I can't go on like this. I already feel like Ben is slipping away. I can't lose you too_," I tell her.

She gets a delicate look in her eyes and motions for me to join her on the floor. I sit next to her and she puts her arm around my shoulder. I feel tears well up in my eyes.

"_Hey, hey. There's no need to cry,_"she consoles.

She wipes a tear from my cheek.

"_I'm sorry for being so distant lately. I've just been dealing with my own stuff,_" she explains.

"_But you don't have to deal with it alone. That's what I'm here for. I love you Paige. I support you in any and everything,"_ I say.

"_I know. I just didn't want to burden you with my crap. Don't worry about it ok_."

I nod my head yes.

"_Tell me what you meant about Ben slipping away from you_," she says.

"_I don't know what there is to tell. Things have been so strained between us lately. And I can't even blame all of it on him. My feelings have been all over the place and I can't make heads or tails of them_," I say.

"_What do you mean?_" she asks.

I bite my lip while I try to formulate exactly what I want to say to her. She waits patiently for me to respond.

"_When did you know you were gay?_" I ask her.

She's kind of taken aback by my question.

"_I guess deep down I've always known. Ever since I was a little girl. I just never knew what to call it_. I _knew I was different from other little girls_."

I giggle a little as I remember our first interaction.

"_What's so funny_?" she asks.

"_I was just remembering the first time we met_," I answer.

She laughs as well.

"_Remember when you invited me to your tea party?_"

"_Oh my gosh, yes! You would have thought that I asked you to drown a bag of puppies,_" I say.

"_That's because I had a reputation to uphold and you were trying to sully it,_" she replies.

"_Oh whatever. Admit it, you had a good time."_

"_I did, but that's because even in the begin, life with you has always been more enjoyable. We've been inseparable ever since_," she says.

We smile at each other and silently reminisce on our journey together.

"_So what made you ask me that_?" she questions.

"_Dunno. I was just thinking how I never really asked you that before,_" I say.

"_Speaking of things that we never told each, why didn't you ever tell me that you kissed a girl before_?"

"_Like I said before, she said it didn't count because we were girls. I didn't think it was anything major_," I admit.

"_How long ago did this happen_?"

"_About three years ago_," I say.

She hesitates and I can tell she has something she wants to ask me.

"_Love you can ask me anything_," I tell her.

"_Did you like it?_"

"_If I'm honest with myself, yes I did. I liked it and I liked her, but she made me feel so inconsequential and that my feelings were one sided. I figured it was just a phase. Not long after, Ben and I started dating_," I answer.

"_Is it anyone I know_?" she asks.

"_Yes, but I really don't want to talk about this anymore_."

"_Ok. Hey I'm performing at open mic night tonight. You and Hanna should come_," she suggests.

"_Sounds like fun. I'll mention it to her_," I say.

I stand to get ready to leave. Paige stands as well to walk me out.

"_Paige I meant it when I said I can't lose you. Whatever it is, trust you can always come to me. Promise you won't disappear again,_" I plead.

_"Emily you're the biggest piece of my heart. Don't ever doubt that. I promise to never leave your side. Your stuck with me_," she says.

I smile at her and pull her into a tight embrace. We hold each other for what feels like forever. I finally pull away.

"_I'll see you tonight,_" I say.

I make my way to class feeling ten pounds lighter and with a bounce in my step. Paige always seems to have whatever it is to cure what ails me. I'll forever be grateful that she sees fit to call me friend...

Hanna and I arrive at the cafe in search of Paige. While trying to find somewhere to sit amongst the crowd of people, I catch Naya in a corner waving us over. I grab ahold of Hanna and we make our way over to her.

"_Hey you two_," she says.

"Hey yourself. This is the last place I expected to see you. I wouldn't think this is your scene," I say.

"_There's all kinds of things you don't know about me gorgeous. Whenever you're ready, I'll be more than willing to show you_," she says with a wink.

"_Is that so_?" I ask.

"_You better believe it is,_" she answers.

"_Are you guys going to be doing this all night? If so, I'd rather sit with Mr. Dark and broody over there,_" Hanna interrupts.

I pull a face at her and turn my attention to the act currently performing. When she's done with her piece, the crowd applauds as Paige makes her way to the stage. Hanna cheers extra loud and I whistle for her. The cafe seems very psyched that she's performing. She appears to have quite a following.

"_Good evening everyone. This is something I've been wanting to do for awhile now. Tonight feels like the perfect night to do it. I asked the band to give me a hand. I hope you guys enjoy it,_" she says.

A hush comes over the room the moment the music starts. She sings the first note and I'm mesmerized. She doesn't take her eyes off of me her entire performance. I feel like she's staring into my soul. She's speaking that language that only she and I understand. It's beautiful and moving and almost brings me to tears. It makes me wonder who has touched her so deeply. I catch a single tear escape her eye as she sings the very last line. She bows her head and the room goes nuts.

"_Holy shit,_" I hear Hanna say.

"_Thank you_," Paige says.

She makes a hasty retreat from the stage and heads to the door. I stand to follow her, but Naya grabs my arm and shakes her head no.

"_Give her a second Em,_" she says.

I return to my seat with a huff.

"_Well I'll be damned_," Naya says.

"_You just saw what I just saw right?_" Hanna asks Naya.

"_I have to hand it to her. She has more guts than I gave her credit for_," Naya answers.

"_Does somebody want to tell me what's going on here_?" I ask exasperated.

"_We'll talk about it later Em. Let's try to enjoy the rest of the night,_" Hanna says...

Later that night Hanna and I are in our dorm room trying to come to grips with what just happened at open mic night. We're both on our respective beds. I'm on my back staring at the ceiling, but I can feel Hanna looking at me.

"_Whatever it is just say it,_" I tell her.

"_What's been going on with you and Paige lately_?" she asks.

"I _don't know_," I answer honestly.

"_Have you guys had some kind of_," she hesitates, "_encounter_?" she inquires.

"_Encounter? Like how so_?"

"_You do know that song tonight was about you right?_" she says.

I sit up and gaze at her with a questioning look. She returns my stare until a look of recognition appears on her face.

"_You don't know, do you?_" she asks.

"I _don't know what?_"

"_You two can be so dense when it comes to each other some times_," she says.

"_Hanna, could you please speak in English and tell me what's going on_," I say frustrated.

"_Paige is totally and completely in love with you,"_ she answers matter of factly.

"_Of course I know Paige loves me. We tell each other all the time_," I say still confused at what point she's trying to make.

"_No babe, not loves you but in love with you. Like she wants to hold hands at a Tegan and Sara concert while she makes out with your beautiful face, love._"

My jaw drops and I'm trying to comprehend what Hanna is telling me. Paige is in love with me? Has she always been in love with me? I think back to our time together over the years. She's always been so good to me. Sweet and kind. A shoulder to lean on. I've been the same for her. That's just what friends do for each other, right?

"_Hanna you're imagining things_," I say.

"_Say whatever you want, but if you really search yourself you know I'm right._"

I run my hands threw my hair and let out a frustrated groan.

"_My life is already an emotional wreck right now. The last thing I need is to add this to the equation_," I say.

"_Why don't we go out tomorrow night? Just the two of us_," Hanna suggests.

"_I'm not in the mood to party,_" I answer.

"_Who said anything about being in the mood? Honey you need this. We can get drunk and leave all of our troubles on the dance floor."_

"I _have an early practice Saturday morning. We have a big meet coming up_," I say.

"_Ok than I can get drunk and you can live vicariously through me. Come on Em. We haven't been to a good party in forever. Midterms are done tomorrow and we deserve to reward ourselves for a job well done_," she says.

"_I suppose a little partying won't hurt. I have been busting me ass above and beyond lately_," I say.

"_Exactly! We'll have a good time. It's going to be epic, I promise._"

I lay back down and close my eyes. I can't shake the image of Paige serenading me tonight. I can't believe I couldn't see something that's clearly been common knowledge to everyone else in my life. I desperately need to drown my sorrows. Tomorrow can't come fast enough. It's going to be a long night...

Hanna and I have been partying hopping for the last couple of hours. Our first two stops were no bueno, but it seems that third times the charm. This party is definitely what's up. A little bit of everyone seems to be here. I'm half way through my fourth drink of the evening and I'm can feel my inhibitions start to loosen. I lost Hanna about thirty minutes ago when she ran into Caleb. The dance floor is calling me, so I decide to shake a little something. I'm in my own world, eyes closed, lost in my groove when I feel a body press up behind me.

"_You don't mind if I cut in, do you_?"

A smile runs across my lips as I recognize the voice immediately.

"_You're always welcome to dance with me,_" I answer.

Naya puts her hands around my waist. She smiles when I put my arms around her neck. A slow song comes on and she looks quite pleased with her good fortune. I step closer to her and she raises her brow. I shrug my shoulders and continue to dance. I can feel the heat from her fingertips through my dress. I can tell she's struggling to keep her hands in a neutral zone. I don't help the situation by grinding against her really slow. She lets out a groan when I start to play with the hair at the nape of her neck.

"_Doll you have to stop doing that,_" she strangles out.

"_Hmm_?" I ask lazily.

"_You're driving me to the edge of insanity, but I have a feeling that you know that,_" she states.

I bite my lip and give her a seductive look.

"_My my someone is feeling affectionate this evening_," she says.

I give her another shoulder shrug.

"_Blame it on the alcohol_," I answer.

The song comes to an end and Naya immediately releases me.

"_And on that note, I'll be taking my leave before we do something that'll get me in trouble and you'll regret in the morning,_" she says.

"_Chicken_," I tease.

She laughs as she walks back in the direction she came from. Nature is calling, so I make my way in search of some relief. I wander aimlessly in the direction I believe the bathroom to be. I try to open one door and it's locked. I try the next room and this door opens. My quest for relief is brought to an immediate halt with what I find in this room. Ben is on the bed and he's making out with Alison.

"_Emily_!" he exclaims.

"_What the fuck is going on Ben!_" I shout.

Alison is buttoning her shirt, but she doesn't say a word. She's smiling like the cat that's got the canary. I want to reach across and slap that condescending look off of her face.

"_Baby I can explain,_" he stutters.

"_You can explain? I don't need you to explain shit! You and this bitch can have each other!_"

I make my way out of the room. I hear him yell after me, but at this point I could care less. I can feel the hot tears stream down my face as I push past people. I feel like the walls are closing in on me and I can't breathe. I need to get out of here. I finally make my way to the porch and run right into Paige. She can see right away that I'm distraught.

"_Em what's going on_?" she asks.

"_Nothing_," I answer as I try to make my way past her.

"_Em_?" she says as she pulls me to the side.

"_You know what, it's not nothing! It's everything! I'm tired of everyone I trust being dishonest with me!_" I scream.

"_Em please calm down and tell me what's going on_," she says coolly.

"_Ben's lying, cheating ass is in there with that slut Alison_," I answer.

She doesn't say a word. She pulls me in to a hug and I feel the dam break. I sob into her shoulder.

"_Sweetie I'm so sorry_," she whispers.

"_W_hat does Alison have that I don't?" I ask her.

"_Aww honey you're an amazing person. I've said it before and I'll say it again, Ben's an ass. You deserve someone who will treasure you_," she replies.

I pull back and look her in the eyes. I don't know if it's the moonlight, the drinks or the heartache, but she's never looked more beautiful. I have a sudden burning desire to kiss her.

"_Someone who treasures me the way you do_," I state softly.

"_Em_," she says nervously.

"_Hanna told me something about the song you sang last nigh_t," I say.

"_Emily_."

"_Is it true Paige? Are you in love with me_?" I ask her.

"_Em this is not the way I want to have this conversation. Can we talk about this tomorrow when you're sober and thinking more clearly_?" She asks.

I step completely out of her embrace and laugh wryly.

"_Of course it isn't true. Why would you possibly want me? You know what, I'm going to leave now. I've had enough rejection for one night_," I answer.

Paige calls after me, but I don't turn around. I make my way pass the few people standing on the lawn. Hanna did promise this night would be epic. I don't think she had any idea how epically horrible it was going to turn out to be...


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Out of all the chapters I've written so far, this one is my favorite. When I sit down to write a chapter, I have a general idea what I want to accomplish but I don't know what's going to be said/ happen until it comes out. Sometimes I have a certain direction in mind that I want to go and the characters take me in a completely different way. I'm along for this ride as much as you guys are. Forgive me in advance for any spelling/ grammatical errors. It's late and my eyes are starting to cross, but i didn't want to wait to post this. Thanks for all of the favorites/ follows, PMs, reviews, love and support. It's what keeps me motivated...**

**Nine Years Ago**

"_I'm really going to miss you," Paige tells Ben. She's trying her hardest to fight the tears forming in her eyes. She can't believe how quickly things spiraled out of control._

_"I'm going to miss you too, but I'll be back before you know it," Ben says._

_Turns out the prank that they believed to be harmless proved to cause a great deal of trauma. Toby wasn't the one playing in the shed that day. It was Jenna, his step sister, ended up being the victim. The firecracker going off in such a small space injured the girl severely and infuriated her parents. They were in the process of pressing charges against the presumed culprit._

_"Why don't you just tell everyone the truth? It's not right for you to get in trouble for something I did," Paige pleaded._

_"Paige you've already been through enough messed up stuff. Besides, I promised your_ _mom I would take care of you. So that's what I'm doing," he says._

_Mention of her recently deceased mother causes the tears she had been trying to suppress to escape._

_"Try not to be so upset okay. You know I hate it when you cry. I'll write as often as I can. Uncle Nick is already making a deal with the Cavanaughs so I won't get in that much trouble with the police," Ben soothes._

"_What am I going to do for a whole year without you? Who's going to make sure I'm not alone?" Paige asks._

_"Just try to be friendly no matter how hard it is. Who knows who you might meet."..._

**Present Day**

_Emily knows I'm in love with her._

_Emily knows I'm in love with her._

_Emily knows I'm in love with her._

I'm supposed to be focusing on timing my breathing with my strokes, but the thought of Emily knowing that's she my heart's one desire is what's propelling me through the water. I don't know if the situation has me terrified or elated. I must have called her a million times and sent her two million text messages trying to reach her last night. I've been out of my mind with worry ever since she left the party. The only relief, and I use that word lightly, that I've gotten is that she actually showed up for practice this morning. She looks, for lack of better words, like shit. Her eyes are red and swollen. Her hair is all over the place. Anyone with eyes can tell that something is amiss. One things for sure, she hasn't let her grief affect her performance. If anything, it's fueling her to go above and beyond. Unlike me, she's swimming like a dolphin today. While I'm swimming with the grace of a bear. I'm so enraptured with my thoughts, I miscalculate my distance from the wall and my turn is sloppy. I hear the whistle blow.

"_McCullers, get your head in the game! Get out of the water now_!" coach shouts.

I groan internally at my slip up. It was a novice mistake that might have cost me my spot at the meet next week. I sigh deeply as I take the walk of shame over to the side. I try to make eye contact with Emily as I pass by, but she's found something infinitely more interesting on the opposite wall. Shana gives me a comforting squeeze of the shoulder as I stand next to her. This day is really starting to suck. Practice can't be over soon enough...

Emily must have inherited some kind of super power overnight because there's no way that it's humanly possible for her to have showered and dressed as quickly as she has. I approach her while she's at her locker.

"_Em can we talk please?_" I ask her.

She zips up her jacket but doesn't acknowledge that I said a thing.

"_Em_," I try again.

"_Paige I don't have the time nor the desire to talk right now_," she says.

"_Emily I just want to make sure you're okay_," I say.

She slams her locker and turns toward me.

"_Paige I said I don't want talk about it so drop it,_" she says through gritted teeth.

She brushes passed me and makes her way out of the locker room. I would give chase but I doubt I'd get very far in just a towel. I sit down defeated on the bench in front of my locker. Shana sits next to me and gives me a friendly nudge with her shoulder.

"_Rough night_?" she inquires.

"_You don't know the half of it,_" I tell her.

"_Care to share over breakfast?_" she asks.

"_I don't know_," I say.

"_Why not? You have to eat and I promise I'm a very good listener_," she says pleadingly.

I reluctantly tell her yes.

"_Great! Give me fifteen minutes and I'll be ready to go,_" she says.

She heads back over to the other side of the locker room to finish her process while I do the same. I'll give Emily a little space, but I'm not going to let her go through this alone...

Breakfast with Shana is proving to be a welcome distraction. She is so much deeper than my previous encounters with her have led me to believe. She's funny and insightful. I'm actually enjoying myself quite a bit. She has taken me to this little obscure place off campus. It's not much to look at but the food is amazing. I'm getting my fix of bacon and eggs while I listen to her tell me how she fell in love with swimming.

"_I wanted to stay in the bathtub forever. He had to practically drag me out_," she said.

I laugh as I picture her as I child infatuated with the water. There's a natural pause in the conversation. She gives me the most breathtaking smile. I feel me heart stutter step a little.

"_Paige can I be frank with you?_" she asks.

"_Uh, yea, of course."_

"_I'm really glad you agreed to have breakfast with me. I think you're the most beautiful girl that I've seen in a long time_," she says.

I feel extremely coy and can feel the heat rising in my face.

"_You have to know that I find you attractive. Have I not been clear enough_?" she asks.

I shrug my shoulders in response. I will admit that I kind of got a vibe from Shana, but I just attributed it to her being friendly. I guess my heart has just been so lost in Emily that it's blinded me from affection from anyone else.

"_Well then let me make my intentions known. I think you are absolutely amazing and I would like nothing more than the opportunity to get to know you better,_" she says.

I'm stunned into silence. To say that I'm flabbergasted would be an understatement. I don't even know how to respond to her admission. Not to mention I haven't spoken to Emily yet. I have no idea where her and I stand as of last night.

"_Shana I'm flattered. Really I am, but right now I'm not in the right head space to date anyone,_" I say.

"_Ok I can understand and except that, for now. I would still like the chance to explore our friendship_," she says.

"_I don't know how much of a friend I can be right now,_" I say.

"_Paige you have this energy about you that's magnetic. I'm powerless against its pull. Whatever you're willing to give I'm willing to take,"_ she pleads.

She presents a good case and I'm hard pressed to resist.

"_Ok_," I concede.

I'm rewarded with another dazzling smile. I have to admit that I am a little excited at the prospect of spending time with Shana outside of the pool. With the exception of her friendship with Alison, she seems like a decent human being.

"_Now it's my turn to be frank_," I say.

"_Ok shoot_," she says.

"_We've only hung out a couple of times, but you seem like a really cool person. What I don't get is how you became friends with some one like Alison_," I say.

"_I admit Alison doesn't always put her best face forward, but deep down her intentions are good,_" she answers.

"_I guess I'll have to take your word for it. The Alison I know is self serving, self centered, selfish and any other word you can think of that puts 'self' first_'," I say.

"_Well I'll see your Alison and raise you an Emily,_" she says.

"_What do you have against Emily?"_ I ask her.

"I _haven't fallen for the hype that is 'Emily Fields'. I don't think she's all that everyone makes her out to be,_" she says.

"_You haven't given Em a fair chance. She has the purest heart of anyone I've ever known. She came along at a dark time in my life. If it wasn't for her, I don't think I would have made it_," I say.

"_See! That's exactly what I mean. You put her on some pedestal like she's in the running for sainthood_," she explains.

"_It's hard to explain_," I defend.

"_How about we agree to disagree when it comes to Emily and Alison for now," _she suggest.

"_Agreed_," I concur.

"_Now tell me everything there is to know about you_."...

Shana and I spent so much time at the cafe that breakfast almost turned into lunch. We both reluctantly said our goodbyes and went our separate ways. The minute she's out of my line of vision, my thoughts immediately return to Emily. I know she won't answer my calls, so I decide to ambush her and just show up at her dorm room. The entire walk over, I think about how I'm going to kick Ben's ass the first chance I get. I knock on her door and get no answer. I wait a second and try again. I resort to my Plan B and text Hanna.

**Are u home?**

**No stuck between a hottie and a hard place. :-)**

I groan at the mental image.

**Have u seen and or talked to Em?**

**Not since the party.**

**Some stuff has gone down. It's serious.**

**Omg I'm on it. Call u when I find her.**

I leave Hanna and Emily's place defeated. I feel myself getting more and more angry by the second. My rage drives me directly to Ben's doorstep. I pound on the door.

"_Ben! Open the damn door!"_ I shout.

Within seconds the door is snatched open.

"_What the hell do you want Paige?_" he growls.

I push him out of the way and storm into his room.

"_You know why I'm here! How could you do that to Emily_?" I seethe.

"_What's going on between Emily and I is none of your damn business,_" he says.

"_Emily means everything to me and I'm not going to stand by and let you break her heart. You told me it was only one time_," I say.

"_So I lied. I love Emily, really I do, but she's a little tame if you know what I mean. Alison scratches that itch for me from time to time. It's nothing serious. I'm just sowing my wild oats if you will,_" he explains.

"_What happened to you? You used to be kind hearted?_"

"_Being kind hearted gets you sent to reform school. I've decided to do what I want when I want. Never apologize. Never explain_," he retorts.

"_When did you become such an asshole?_"

"_Paige I don't know if you noticed, but I'm a big deal around here. I can't be tied down. Not just yet anyway," _he answers.

"_Why don't you just leave Emily alone then? Why cause all this pain?_" I ask.

"_Cause at the end of the day, Emily is the kind of girl you marry and that's what I intend to do, eventually,_" he says.

I feel myself getting more enraged by the second. By this point I'm pacing back and forth. I keep clenching and unclenching my hand to keep from hitting something. Ben is sitting on his couch with a cool look of indifference. I don't know what pisses me off more. What he's done or the fact that he's so nonchalant about it.

"_You stay the hell away from Emily, you hear me?" _I say through clenched teeth.

He throws his head back in laughter.

"_And if I don't Billy Badass, what are you going to do about it?_" he taunts.

"_Try me and find out,_" I threaten.

This causes him to raise from his seat and stand in my face. He has a few inches on me, but I don't back down.

"_I'm not going to leave Emily alone and as a matter of fact your going to help me win her back. You owe me remember. I was the one who took the fall for you all those years ago. So what you're going to do is convince Emily of what a great guy I am and all the reasons she should stay with me,"_ he says.

"_She deserves so much more than you,_" I spit out.

"_Oh and I guess you figure you're the one for the job? Don't kid yourself. All you'll ever be is a sorry substitute for the real thing_," he says.

The fury I had been try to contain has managed to break free. I feel it bubbling up past my chest and through my arm. It escapes and finds release as my fist connects with Ben's jaw. He stumbles backward from shock as much as from the pain he must be feeling right now.

"_Stay. Away. From her,_" I say very calmly.

I make my way out of his apartment. I aimlessly walk for fifteen minutes trying to collect myself. I'm trying to grasp the reality of what just happened. I'm brought out of my reverie by the buzzing of my phone. It's Hanna.

**Haven't found Em yet but I'm home.**

**Ok I'm on my way over now.**

**Doors unlocked. Just come in when you get here.**

I make it to their place in record time. I let myself in and Hanna is on her bed looking as worried as I feel.

"_Whoa Paige what happened to your hand_?" she asks.

I look down and notice that my knuckles are starting to bruise. With all the adrenaline coursing through my body, I didn't even notice the pain.

"_Ben's face is what happened to it,"_ I answer.

"_As in your cousin Ben_?" She questions.

I nod my head in the affirmative.

"_Come on. Let me patch you up while you fill me in_."

I go over the events of the previous evening as well as this afternoon. Hanna, for once is shocked into silence.

"_I can't believe he's such a dirty dog. What are you going to do?_" she asks.

"_Only thing I can do. Be there for her the best I can_," I respond.

"_Yea about that. Do you want to tell me how long you've been in love with her_?"

I sigh.

"_That obvious huh?_"

"_Well babe you kind of let the entire cafe know the other night. Your song choice was anything but subtle,_" she replies.

"_I've loved her for as long as I can remember Hanna. It's like she stole my heart from the moment I laid eyes on her and it's been in her possession ever since,"_ I say.

"_So why don't you do something about it_?" she asks.

"_I'm hardly the first lesbian to fall in love with her straight bestfriend. I'll just keep my secret desires to myself and move on with life,_" I answer.

"_Oh your desires are not so secret my friend_," she says.

"_So I've heard. By the way, thanks for that pal_," I say sarcastically.

"_Look someone has to help the two of you see sense. If I have to be the one to knock your heads together than so be it,"_ she says.

"_Hanna what are you talking about?_" I ask.

"_I'm saying that I have a feeling that your affections for our lovely Ms. Fields aren't so one-sided,_" she elaborates.

I scoff incredulously.

"_Doubt me if you will, but any fool with eyes can see the sparks the two of you generate when you're in a room together,"_ she says.

"_Ok let's say if, and that's a big if, Emily does feel the same way. I can't acting on anything now. She just broke up with her boyfriend. Oh and he just happens to be my cousin,_" I say.

"_Understandable. Just promise me you won't wait too long. Cause the moment Emily comes to terms with who she is, every available lesbian on campus is going to be beating down our door," _she points out.

I sit quietly while I ponder everything that Hanna has just said. We hangout a little while longer in hopes that Emily will turn up. When it appears that she's not coming home anytime soon, I decide to head home myself.

"_Will you call me the minute you lay eyes on Emily_?" I ask her.

"_Of course. Make sure you do the same,"_ she says.

We hug and once again I'm not able to quantify the amount of gratitude I have for Hanna.

"_Thanks for everything,_" I tell her.

"_Anything for my two favorite people._"...

I journey back across campus to my place. My talk with Hanna helped calm my emotions, but didn't do anything for my nerves. I'm still a wreck with worry as to where she could be. I'm half way tempted to track Naya down and ask if she's heard from her. Thank goodness it doesn't have to come to that. Emily is sitting in the hall in front of my door looking as lovely as the first day we met.

"_Hi_," she says shyly.

"_Em why are you waiting in the hall_?" I ask.

"_I don't know. I didn't feel right letting myself in_," she answers

"_Emily_," I scold.

"_I know, I know. That's the reason you gave me a key,_" she says.

I unlock my door and stand aside so she can enter. I lead her back to my bedroom so that we can have some privacy. She has a seat on my bed and I sit at my desk. I want to allow her the space to come to me on her own.

"_I don't understand how he could do something like this to me,"_ she whispers.

"_Em_," I say.

_"I mean I know that there's been a little bit of strain between us lately, but not to the point that he'd feel the need to go outside our relationship. Did I not pay him enough attention?_"

"_Sweetie don't you dare blame yourself for anything that Ben has done. He's solely responsible for his actions. If he was unhappy he should have been man enough to come to you about it_," I say.

I watch her from across the room as she shrinks more and more into herself. My heart is crumbling into a million pieces. I partially feel responsible for the current state she's in. Ever since Ben returned from reform school, he's been different. Over the years I've watched him become harder and colder little by little. If it wasn't for me, he never would have gotten sent there. On the other hand, if he hadn't gotten sent away, my friendship with Emily might not have blossomed the way it did. My beautiful Emily. I would gladly punch Ben again if it meant sparing her of all of this. I make my way over to the bed. I lay back against the headboard and pull her into me. She lays her head on my shoulder and buries her face in the crook of my neck. I'll be damned if my hormones don't go from zero to one hundred. I'm supposed to be consoling her and all I can think about is how right she feels pressed against me.

"_I don't know what I'm supposed to do,_" she says quietly.

"_What do you mean_?" I ask.

"_Where do I go from here? I never imagined my life without Ben. I feel so lost now_," she bawls inconsolably.

I stroke her hair a place a tender kiss on her forehead.

"_Let it all out honey. I got you._"...

I don't know how much time has passed, but somewhere during the course of the afternoon we managed to fall asleep. I awake groggy and a little disoriented. The room is bathed in the soft light of dusk. I assume it must be early evening. I can feel the weight of Emily's body still pressed up against me. I also become acutely aware of Emily's hand that's managed to find its way under my shirt. I move slightly to adjust my position. I feel her nails lightly drag across my torso as she clutches my waist, posessively pulling me tighter into her. I'm becoming more and more conscious of the heat of her skin against mine. She shifts in her sleep and her fingertips graze the bottom of my bra. I clench my teeth in an attempt to stifle my moan. How is it that she's unconscious but is about to make me cum in my pants.

"_Em_," I say as I try to nudge her awake.

She mumbles something incoherent but doesn't wake up.

"_Emily_," I say again a little more forcefully.

She slowly starts to come alive. She blinks a couple of times before she realizes where her hand is. She jumps up and out of the bed like I have an infectious disease. I reach over to turn on the bedside lamp, effectively shattering the spell.

"_I'm sorry Paige_," she stutters.

She manages to look everywhere but at me.

"_It's ok really,_" I say.

"_It's late. Maybe I should go_," she says.

"_Em you don't have to go_," I say.

"_I haven't been home all day and I have a lot of stuff I need to do_."

"_Ok. Can we please meet in the morning? I miss running with you and I won't be able to function for the day unless I know you're alright_," I say.

"_Paige I don't know_," she says.

"_Please M&M,_" I implore.

I'm given the first genuine smile I've seen from her in a while.

"_Ok. I'll see you bright and early,_" she replies.

I see her out and return to my room. I sprawl out on my bed and contemplate the current state of my life. What the hell am I going to do about everything?


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Sorry for such a long wait between chapters. I've been working on this one for a WEEK now. It's an important chapter and I wanted to do it justice. Hope you guys enjoy what I came up with. Also, don't know if you've picked up on it yet or not, but I love music. I'm usually listening to it while I write. So you can blame/ thank whatever I happen to be listening to on the outcome of some of these chapters. Ok that's enough of that. On to the good stuff...**

"_Emily I thought you needed to leave?" Paige asks._

_She's standing outside of her apartment door looking at me expectantly._

_"I do need to go, but I couldn't bring myself to leave until I did this."_

_I pull her body tightly __against mine and grab her face with both hands. We maintain eye contact until the moment the softest lips I've ever felt touch against mine. To say kissing Paige is heaven would be to grossly understate the magic of this moment. I'm lost in the subtle way she's breathing me in. She sucks my bottom lip into her mouth and I moan gently. I can't believe I've denied myself this for so long. I wish it could go on forever._

_**Beep. Beep. Beep**_.

I blindly fumble around for my phone to silence the alarm. I blink a few times and allow my eyes to adjust to the early dawn light that's floating into the room. I'm still in the semi conscious state where my dream is ever present in the foreground of my mind yet at risk of escaping me at any moment. I'm trying to come to grips with what just played out in my subconscious. My brain might not be able to understand what was going on, but my body's reaction to my dream is very real. My heart is pounding like I just ran a marathon. Every one of my cells is vibrating with desire. I shake my head to rid it of the mental pictures that keep playing over and over. I glance across the room and see Hanna sound asleep like she hasn't a care in the world. I check the time and see that I have thirty minutes before I have to meet up with Paige. I decided to hop in the shower. Hopefully the hot water can wash away these feelings...

I have my earbuds in and the volume is blasting. I'm hoping the sounds of BANKS can drown out my agonizing introspection. I'm trying to push the events of yesterday and this morning as far away from the forefront of my thoughts as possible. I agreed to take Paige up on her offer to go running this morning because I have sincerely missed her. We haven't run together in forever and I thought it would be a good idea. A chance for us to possibly reconcile all the lost time between us. It's proving to be the opposite. The shower I took did nothing to help my current state of yearning. Maybe I should have opted for a cold one. Paige is a couple of paces ahead of me. I'm trying to concentrate on my steps, but all I find myself doing is admiring her ass in the extremely tight running pants she has on. Each stride has her cheeks moving in a rhythm that's utterly hypnotic. My body is still humming from the position we found ourselves in yesterday evening, not to mention my dream. It felt so good to be touching her like that, but at the same time it felt so inappropriate. She's my best friend for goodness sakes. Not to mention I have no idea what to make of the current condition of my relationship with Ben. With everything that's going on, we still haven't gotten the chance to address her feelings for me. If Hanna is right and Paige does love me, how will that affect us? Would she be okay with us solely being friends? Could our friendship survive this admission knowing that deep down, she wants more than I'm willing to give? Is friendship all that I'm willing to give? Am I being truthful with myself about how I feel for Paige? These and a myriad of other question plague me as we continue down our route. We reach our turnaround point and stop for a second. Paige removes her own earbuds and studies me for a moment.

"_Do you want to take a break_?" she asks.

"_Sure_," I reply.

She takes a drink from her water bottle and passes it to me so that I can do the same.

I see she has this serious expression on her face and I can tell something is troubling her. I'm pretty sure I know what it is, but I don't know if I'm ready to deal with it yet. I decide to bite the bullet and just ask.

"_Do you want to talk about it?"_

"_I don't know if this is a conversation either one of us is ready to have_," she answers.

"_Well we can't keep ignoring it. That won't make it go away_," I say.

"_I'm fine with pretending if you are_," she says.

"_Paige_."

"_What Emily? What do you want from me_?" she asks exasperated.

"_I want to know the truth_," I tell her.

"_The truth about what?_" she asks.

"_Stopping being purposely clueless_," I say.

"_Then I'm going to need for you to say it_," she demands.

"_Are you in love with me?_" I ask.

She looks at me square on and I swear the world around us stands still. It's like the universe knows something momentous is about to happen that will forever change the course of our lives. I return her gaze. Neither one of us backs down. I'm silently willing her not to tell me anything but the truth. I can see by the steely determination on her face that she intends on doing just that.

"_Yes_."

It's a simple answer, yet it carries so much weight. Who knew that three letters could be so profound. I wrap my mind around her answer while I try to formulate my questions.

"_Since when_?" I ask.

"_Emily there's never been a moment that I haven't loved you,_" she says.

"_Why haven't you ever said anything?_"

"_What good would that have done? You're not gay. The only thing it would have accomplished is putting a strain on our relationship. And going by the tension between us these last few weeks, I think my point has been proven_," she answers.

I think back over the last few weeks and it's all starting to make sense. The looks and touches. The need to be anywhere but alone with me. The subsequent distance between us. She's been struggling with her feelings while I've been completely unsuspecting. The reality of the situation we've found ourselves in hits me hard. It's almost too much to bear and I can't deal with the magnitude of it. So I do what I know how to do best. I run.

"_I think we should head back. We've been still for too long and I don't want our muscles to get stiff_," I say.

"_Seriously Emily? I expose my soul to you. Put my biggest secret out there for your scrutiny and all you can think about is not getting sore?"_ she asks incredulously.

"_Paige I need some time. Can we please just finish our run_?"

I don't wait for her response as I turn around. I place my earbuds back in and turn the volume up louder. I sympathizes with the singers desire to be in love and not cause any pain. Yeah you and me both...

When Paige and I return from our run we part ways with nothing more than a head nod to each other. I make my way to my room fighting the urge to scream or cry or who knows what. Hanna is still asleep, blissfully unaware of my inner turmoil. I grab my things and manage to compose myself long enough to make it to the showers. I turn on the faucet and step inside. The warm water cascades over me and I can feel the floodgates open. I'm overcome by the intensity of what just happened between Paige and I. Do I dare to even contemplate the possibility of her and I being together? And what does that say about me? Lately I've been grappling with things about myself that I couldn't explain before. Not so much that I couldn't explain them, but more so that I've been unwilling to admit them. Allowing myself to reciprocate Paige's feelings means I have to give light to some hard truths. I turn off the water and barely drag myself from the shower. I dry, dress and make my way back to my room. I open the door and see Hanna sitting in her bed looking bright eyed and bushy tailed.

"_Was your morning torture session with Paige that bad?_" she asks.

"_Why do you say that_?"

"_Because, and I mean no offense sweetie, you look like hell_," she answers.

"_Gee thanks Hanna_," I reply.

"_Hey no need to get all sensitive. You know I like to tell it like it is,_" she says.

"_Sure, whatever_," I say.

I turn to my side of the room and go about the task of straightening up. I open and reopen drawers, looking for things I know aren't there. I'm in and out of my closet. I've remade my bed about three times. Anything to keep my hands and my mind from being idle. Hanna is a silent witness to all of my mindless busy work. She's quiet for as about as long as I expect her to be before she starts with her inquisition.

"_So_...," she starts.

I look over my shoulder to let her know I'm listening.

"_Did you and Paige talk about anything interesting?_" she asks.

I turn around and flop down on my bed. How can Hanna know something happened between the two of us? I swear I've never been this transparent in my life, but when it comes to Hanna, I may as well be an open book.

"_She admitted that she's in love with me and has felt that way for pretty much our entire friendship_," I say.

Hanna gets the biggest smile on her face. She starts to jump up and down on her bed like she's a kid on christmas morning.

"_Oh. My. Gosh! It's about time McCullers!_" she exclaims.

"_Wait, what? How long have you known_?" I ask.

"_Babe I've known since the moment I laid eyes on the two of you together. I could tell that there was something more than friendship there regardless of what you told everyone or yourselves for that matter,_" she says.

I look at her dumbfounded. Have I really been that blind for all of this time.

"_Why are you so excited about all of this?"_ I question.

"_What's not to be excited about? That loser Ben is out of the picture and my two favorite people finally know how they feel about each other. Now everyone can live happily ever after. My fairy godmother work is done,_" she smiles.

"_Correction, I know how she feels about me. I have no clue how I feel about her,"_ I say.

"_I think you do and you're just afraid to say it cause if you admit it out loud that means you have to be truthful about who you are,"_ she says.

"_And what would that be? That I'm gay_?"

She just looks at me thoughtfully.

"_I can't be gay Hanna,_" I say.

"_Why not?_" she inquires.

"_Because what would people think of me_?"

"_Screw what anybody has to say. At the end of the day it's your happiness at stake, not theirs. Besides it won't matter to the people who really love you,_" she states.

"_Hanna you don't know the family I come from. My parents are going to freak if I'm gay,_" I explain.

"But you told me they love Paige."

"_They do love Paige, but she isn't their daughter. It's easy to love the gay kid when she isn't yours,_" I say.

"_Honey I find it hard to believe that the same people who raised the remarkable human being in front of me will do anything less than love and accept you. No matter what you might do or say,_" she says.

"_Well I'm not even sure what to call it myself. So sue me for not wanting to throw a parade through town proclaiming my new found sexuality. Besides, things with Ben and I are still up in the air,"_ I say.

"_Up in the air?" Babe what is there to discuss? His cheati_ng ass has been exposed. Only thing left to do is diss and dismiss him right to the curb," she says.

_"I need some closure. I want to know why. I've always felt like he had wants that I couldn't fulfill,_" I say.

"_What kind of wants, Em?_" she asks.

I can feel the embarrassment start to rise on my face.

"_I don't know. Things always seemed so difficult for us in the physical sense,_" I explain.

She squints her eyes like she's trying to process what I'm saying. Her eyes go wide when it finally dawns on her what I'm trying to get across.

"_Oh! So you guys never._.."

"_Yes but only twice. I don't know what would happen when things started to get hot between us. We would be kissing and touching and I felt like I wanted to do more. But when it came down to it, I wasn't as excited as I thought I should be_," I say.

"_Was he your first_?" she asks.

"_Yes and I attributed the first time to it just being my nerves. When we tried again and it was the same, I just figured something was wrong with me,_" I clarify.

"_Even if things weren't working out for you two on that front, it still isn't a justification for cheating,"_ she says.

"_I just need to hear his reasons. Maybe he has a good explanation_," I say.

"_I doubt that, but do what you need to do to move on. Just promise me that you won't let your fear lead you to do something irrational,_" she says.

I look at her, but I don't reply. I don't want to promise her something when I don't have a clue what I'm going to do.

"_I think I need a nap. That run did a little more to me than I thought it did,_" I say.

"_Okay. I'm going to head to the showers. I need to start my day."_

She'd grabs her things and heads to the door. Before she leaves the room she turns around to me one last time.

"_Em you know I'm here for you no matter what right_?" she asks.

I nod my head yes. Now if only I can sort myself out enough to voice my emotions. I close my eyes and welcome the sweet peace that sleep brings...

My nap is anything but serene. I toss and turn for the majority of it. After an hour of fitful restlessness, I decide to get up and do something productive. I get out of bed and start to pace back and forth. I am a bundle of nervous energy and I don't know what to do about it. I need to do something before I lose my mind. Hanna is gone. I check my phone and notice I have 10 missed calls and about as many texts. All of them are from Ben with the exception of the one from my mom. I'm in no condition to speak to either one of them. I decide to grab my things and head to the pool. I might as well put all of this anxiety to good use...

The minute my body hits the water, I feel an instant calm come over me. I don't know what it is, but being in the water has always had a way of bring everything into prospective for me. I slice through the pool and let my instincts kick into auto pilot. Here in my element, the mountain that is in front of me doesn't seem so daunting. I can't deny that I feel something more for Paige. She'll look at me a certain way and I'll get butterflies in my stomach. She makes me feel so wonderfully special in only a way that she can. I keep asking myself is it worth it. Is taking a chance to be with her worth risking eight years of friendship? What if she's not my forever love? Not only would I lose my girlfriend, but I'd lose my best friend as well. I couldn't take not having Paige in my life. I've barely been able to manage the recent distance between us and it's only been a few weeks. I push harder and contemplate going a few more laps. Whatever I decide, it'll have to be soon. I can't handle much more of this emotional limbo.

When I leave the Natatorium, Ben is standing outside waiting for me. I guess he had enough of waiting for me to come to him.

"_What do you want Ben?_" I ask.

"_Can we go somewhere and talk please_?" he pleads.

"_What is there to talk about? I think you sucking in half of Alison's face pretty much said it all_," I say vehemently.

"_Please Emily_?" he begs.

I could never deny him anything. Even when he's not deserving of my mercy. I concede to his request.

"_Ok but make it quick_," I say.

We make the short walk to his place in silence. When we arrive I take a seat on the lounge chair. I don't want to give him the opportunity to get any closer to me than he has to be.

"_First let me tell you from the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry for hurting you. I never meant to cause you any pain,_" he says.

"_Then why'd you do it Ben_?" I ask.

"_Because I'm a jerk that's why. I got caught up in the bright lights of being big man on campus and lost sight of what's important_," he explains.

"_And what's important to you?_"

"_You, us. I'll give anything in this world to make things right between us,_" he says.

He puts his head down in his hands and begins to weep. I came over here with the intentions to get closure and to tell him to go straight to hell. Seeing his display of emotion is starting to work on my resolve. In the seven years I've known him, I don't think I've ever seen him cry. He must be feeling some type of remorse to be so emotionally vulnerable. He gets on his knees in front of me and looks up at me with the most pained expression I've ever seen.

"_Please tell me it isn't too late for us, Em. Tell me what it is you want me to do and I swear I'll do it. I love you with all my heart and soul. Please let me fix this,"_ he implores.

"_Ben I need some time to think ok_," I tell him.

"_Take as much time as you need. I'll be here whenever you're ready,_" he says.

I get up to leave. I don't know what's going on today, but it's about to drive me to drink...

I managed to make it a whole week without being alone with Paige. I'm not ready to confront any of the emotions she's brought to the surface. I've been grateful that we've both had busy schedules. Training for our swim competion has taken up the majority of our time. We're on the bus on our way back from our meet now. Coach took notice of my extra effort and allowed me to anchor the relay this time around. Even though we put up a strong performance in many of the races, we couldn't quite overcome our opponent to win the meet. The mood on the bus is kind of morose because of it. Paige and Shana are seated together near the front of the bus. The heads are closed together as they converse. They're probably plotting on how to take over the world. I let the music in my ear take me on a magical journey as we trek back to campus. I make it a point to ensure I'm the last one off of the bus. I don't feel like talking to anyone. I just want to head back to my room and sleep. When I disembark, Paige is standing a few feet away clearly waiting for me.

"_We need to talk_," she commands.

"_What is it with your family and ambushing me_?" I ask.

"_What's that supposed to mean_?"

"_Nothing_," I say.

I follow her over to a nice grassy area. She places her back against a tree and regards me with an intense stare. I can take it for only so long before I look away. She places her hand under my chin and brings my eyes to met hers.

"_Em please don't look away_," she says.

I swallow the lump that's in my throat and allow her to continue.

"_I've tried to be patient and allow you the time you needed, but I can't wait anymore. I need to know what's going on with us_," she says.

"_I don't know_," I say.

"_But I think you do. Em I know I'm not the only one the feels this magnetic pull that exists between us. No matter what's going on in my life, I always gravitate towards you_," she says.

I'm left speechless by her emotional honest.

"_What are you afraid of_?" she asks.

"_Everything! What will people say? What if we don't make it? Do you know how terrifying the thought of living my life without you is?"_ I confess.

"_But what if we do make it? What if we allow ourselves to be tremendously happy and feel the joy that we can only get from each other?_" she asks.

"_Paige I can't,"_ I say.

"_Kiss me_."

"_What_?!" I exclaim.

"_Kiss me just once. If you don't feel anything, then I'll drop this and we can act like it never happened,_" she explains.

I bite my lip unsure if I should go through with it. Paige doesn't give me much time to reconsider. In a matter of seconds she's standing within a breath of me. She tucks a stray hair behind my ear as her tongue peeks out to wet her lips. I watch her move in slow motion towards me and I wait with bated breath. Then it happens. It's kind of timid at first, like she can't believe she's kissing me. I can feel her get bolder as her hand tangles in my hair while the other one is on my hip pulling me closer to her. I'm brought back to the dream I had. Was that only just a week ago that my imagination was compelling me to do just this? If I'm being honest, this is a thousand times better than my dream. I feel her moan into my mouth and the electric current that's been coursing through me ramps up to another level. The need for oxygen forces me to pull away. Paige doesn't open her eyes.

"_Emily_," she whispers.

"_Paige. Please just give me a little more time okay?_" I plead.

I walk away from her with a heavy heart. I open my phone and send a text to Ben.

**Can I see u? We need to talk**.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Thanks for all your continued support and interest in this** s**tory. This chapter is the first part of another two parter. It was impossibly long as a single chapter. Forgive me for any spelling/ grammatical errors. I'm beyond tired but didn't want to make you guys wait for this one. I appreciate all the comments, follows/favs, reviews and pm's. Please keep them coming. With that being said, on to the story**...

It's been two weeks since I went out on a limb for my happiness. Fourteen days since my life has been turned completely upside down. Three hundred and thirty six hours since my heart was ripped from my chest. Twenty thousand one hundred and sixty minutes since I received the text that changed my life. I remember it like it was yesterday. Emily was in my arms. She was kissing me. I felt the earth trembling and the planets aligning. Everything was as it was meant to be. Then in the blink of an eye, it was over. Emily was retreating, speaking words of uncertainty. I had no idea that my first kiss with her would turn out to be my last. I was left feeling devastated and on cloud nine at the same time. And then it happened. The seven hardest words I'd ever have to read.

**I can't. It's too hard. I'm sorry.**

She didn't even think enough of me to deliver this news in person. She sent me a text and I haven't heard from her or seen her outside of practice since. The only solace I've been able to find is that Hanna has been giving me regular updates. From what I hear Emily isn't fairing much better than I am. Hanna says she hasn't seen much of her but when she does, Emily is quiet and sullen. She's been exactly the same for the brief moments that I get to see her at practice. She's dejected and reserved. If she's feeling so terribly about her decision, why did she run from her feelings for me? There's no way in hell she didn't feel something. It was too beautiful and moving for her not to feel it. I can't help but wonder that if she hasn't been in her room much, where has she been and who has she been with. My own existence as of late has been much better. I'm fact, it's been pretty pitiful. I'm either in class, at swim practice or in my room. I haven't even had the desire to sing at the cafe. All I've wanted to do is sit in the dark and mull over where my life went so horribly wrong. Sitting in the dark staring off into space is exactly how Spencer finds me when she arrives home.

"_Paige are you ok?_" she asks.

"_Sure_," I mumble.

I've noticed over these last couple weeks that she's become an unlikely ally. We share meals when the two of us are home. We muse about the meaning of life and other great philosophical mysteries. We've even managed to study together a few times. She's wicked smart and actually pretty cool once you get past her whole ice queen act. She makes her way over to where I'm sitting and turns on a lamp. You would've thought I was a vampire being hit by the sun.

"_Well you don't look ok_," she says.

"_I'll survive,_" I tell her.

"_Would you like a friendly ear to vent your frustrations?_" she asks.

"_No_," I say.

"_Well a_t least give Emily a call. I'm sure she'll be willing to help with whatever's the matter," she proposes.

I give a sarcastic snort to that suggestion and Spencer picks up on it right away.

"_Oh. So Emily is the cause of your distress_," she comments.

"_Understatement of the year my friend._"

"_You want to know what I think?_" she asks.

"_Not really,_" I reply.

She continues on anyway.

"_I think you shouldn't hinge your happiness on anyone. Whether you experience joy or sorrow should directly lie in your own hands. My experience with life is that people rarely do what you want them to and very often disappoint. Do what makes your heart sing and you'll always come out on top_," she says.

Just when I think I have her figured out, she surprises me. An enigma wrapped in a puzzle wrapped in a quandary that Spencer Hastings is. She gazes at me for a moment before she stands to take her leave.

"_It will all work itself out in the end_," she says.

"_I sure hope you're right,"_ I say.

I'm again left to my solitary contemplation. I let Spencer's words take root in me and really think about what it is that makes my heart sing. I sit for all of five minutes when I realize she's right. I'm not going to accomplish anything sitting her pining away for Emily. I need to get up and get back to living life. With that decision made, I pull out my cell and start to scroll through my contacts. When I find the name I'm looking for, I send out a quick message. It's time that I start doing me...

The little hole in the wall that I'm meeting Shana at is decidedly crowded for a Monday night. It's some where I found on accident one day. The music is good and I can get in with my fake i.d. I'm posted up by the bar when I catch her making her way over to me.

"_Hi_," she smiles.

"_Hi_," I smile back.

I take a minute to check her out. She's wearing black boots and black jeans. She has on a tight, deep purple shirt with a cute scarf to finish her outfit off. Her hair is down and she has on the barest hint of make up. Not that she needs it. She's absolutely beautiful. When I finally meet her eyes, she has this amused look in them. I've been busted.

"_You see something you like?"_ she asks me.

"_This might sound silly, but it feels like I'm seeing you for the first time_," I answer.

This makes her smile one of those gorgeous smiles I feel like she reserves only for me.

"_I have to say, I'm surprised you suggested meeting here tonight_," she says.

"_Why is that?_" I ask.

"_I would have never pegged you as a rebel. Using a fake i.d. to get into a club. I've always taken you as the straight laced type_," she teases.

"_There's nothing straight about me_," I say with a wink.

"_I guess I walked right into that one_," she laughs.

"_That you did_," I laugh back.

We both order something to drink and find a table to sit at. We watch the scene while we talk about the trivial and mundane things of our respective weeks. The D.J. spinning tonight is on fire. The dance floor has been full since the moment we walked in. Shana keeps bopping back and forth in her seat and I can tell she's anxious to get on the floor herself.

"_Do you want to get out there_?" I ask.

"_Uh yes_!" she replies.

She hops up and practically drags me to the middle of the crowd. It's so packed that we don't have much choice but to dance really close. I don't mind it in the least. I find myself reveling in the nearness of her. I can't help but notice the way she's grinding up against me. Or how she puts a little extra into it when a favorite part of the song comes on. Being this close allows me to really drink her in. I'm able to observe the way the light flickers off of her auburn hair. Her glowing skin looks as good as it feels. I can feel the ripple of the muscles in her arms. Not to mention she smells heavenly. Her perfume is strong but feminine. We dance like this for five songs in a row.

"_I need to hydrate,_" I whisper in her ear.

She grabs my hand and leads me back in the direction of the bar.

"_Same as before?"_ she asks me.

"_I was thinking more along the lines of water, but another drink won't hurt,"_ I say.

We decided to take a break for a while and partake of a few more rounds in the process. I feel the alcohol slowly but surely loosening me up. A slower song comes on and I see Shana's face light up.

"_I take it you like this song,_" I comment.

She doesn't answer. Rather she grabs my hand and pulls me back on the dance floor. We find a spot and she turns to face me. No words are spoken as we assume our positions. She places her arms around my neck and clasps her hands together. I hesitantly place my hands on her waist.

"_It's alright for you to put your hands on me Paige_," she utters in my ear.

I close my eyes and my breath hitches. I move my hands to her hips and follow her lead. She's moving against me impossibly slow. Her fingertips are ever so lightly tracing patterns on my neck. She has every one of my sense on high alert and it's driving me crazy. I can feel my liquid courage really starting to kick in as my hands start to roam. I get dangerously close to her backside and she pulls back to look at me.

"_Sorry_," I say.

"_Uh uh, don't ever apologize for touching me_," she responds.

She has this fire in her eye that's a mix between longing and hunger. I think I might go up in flames at any second. Thankfully, the song ends.

"_Maybe we should go,"_ I suggest.

"_Ok_," she says.

We walk quietly back to campus. The chilly night air helps to sober me up a bit. During our journey, she takes my hand in hers. I must admit, it feels nice.

"_Well this is me_," she says as we stop outside her building.

"_Thanks for coming out with me tonight_," I say.

"_Thanks for inviting me. I had a great time. I certainly hope this is the first of many,_" she says.

"_You can count on it,_" I reply.

There's a brief moment of awkward silence. The look Shana had in her eyes at the club has returned.

"_Paige_?"

"_Yeah_," I murmur.

"_Can I kiss you_?" she asks.

I silently grant her permission and she doesn't waste anytime acting on her desire. It's soft and sweet and magical, yet it pales in comparison to the kiss I shared with Emily. Of course my mind picks the most inopportune time to wander to Emily. I haven't thought about her all night. My brain couldn't hold off for two more minutes so I could enjoy kissing a girl who actually wants to be kissed by me. Go figure. I feel guilty thinking about another girl while kissing Shana and I pull away. She smiles at me and I return it with a smile of my own. She gently caresses my cheek.

"_Good night Paige._"

"_Good night Shana_."

"_Text me and let me know you made it home alright,_" she request.

"_Ok_," I say.

I walk back to my dorm room feeling infinitely better than when I left. I'm anxious to tell Spencer that her advice is already having a positive affect on me. I can see light coming from the bottom of her door and give it a light knock before I enter.

"_Hey Spencer_..." I start but abruptly stop.

She's starting off into nothingness and doesn't blink once. Her hair is disheveled and it looks like she hasn't slept in days. I don't even think she knows I'm in the room. I tap her shoulder and she jumps.

"_Oh hey Paige. I didn't even hear you come in_," she says.

"_Are you alright_?" I ask.

"_Yeah I'm fine. What's up_?" she asks.

"_I just wanted to say thanks for the advice_," I say.

"_Sure anytime_," she says.

I turn to leave. I don't know what's going on with her but she's in serious need of a study break...

My renewed vigor for life hasn't diminished one bit since the begin of this week. I decided to do the one thing that does indeed make my heart sing. I'm nervous but excited to be performing again. I haven't done an open mif night since I put my heart on the line and sang for Emily. Tonight feels decidedly different. I didn't even tell anyone that I was coming here. I wanted the chance to really let loose and let myself go. I scan the room while I wait for my turn. I see a flicker of something sexy in red. When I get a good look it turns out to be Naya.

"_Hey_," she says when she's close.

"_How's it going_?"

"_Good. Long time, no se_e," she says.

"_I've had a lot going on that took precedent,_" I say.

"_Understandable_," she replies.

We regard each other for a while before she speaks again.

"_Have you signed up already_?" she asks.

"_Yep. Have you?_" I ask.

"_Not yet, but I was wondering if you could do me a solid_," she says.

She gets this devilish look in her eye and I'm a little wary of the proposition she's about to make.

"_I came over when I saw you because I was thinking maybe we could do a duet tonight_," she proposes.

I think it over for a minute. Regardless of how I might feel about her, Naya does have a great voice. We would sound pretty good together.

"_Sure, why not. As of late I enjoy living life on the edge_," I answer.

"_Good because I already put my name down with yours_," she smiles.

"_Are you always this crafty Maleficent?_ I ask.

"_Only with you Snoopy,_" she replies.

"_Snoopy_?"

"_What? I thought you'd appreciate that one. He plays the piano. He's all musical and shit just like you_," she says.

I actually laugh out loud at that analogy.

"See! _You know you liked that one_," she grins.

We banter back and forth awhile longer until we're called up to perform.

"_Ladies and gentlemen we have a special treat for you. Let's welcome Naya and Paige,_" Chloe announces us.

I take a seat behind the piano and Naya grabs the mic.

"_This was kind of a spur of the moment thing, so bear with us_," Naya says.

She then turns to me.

"_Try and keep up will you,_" she says.

I start on the piano and she waits for her part to come in. We rock the house something serious and I must admit I'm enjoying myself. Naya has amazing stage presence and is every bit the performer. We actually have great chemistry when performing together. When the song comes to its end, we make our way off stage to a standing ovation. I grin at her and she's shoots me a wink.

"_Not bad up there,_" she says.

"_Right back at you_," I compliment.

She's about to make another comment when her phone rings. She looks at her screen and her expression rapidly changes.

"_Really hate to sing and run, but I have to take this_," she says.

"_Ok I'll see you around_," I say.

I watch her retreating figure go, but not before I hear her answer the call.

"_Hey Em, what's up_?"


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Hello all my beautiful people. So I wanted to post this chapter eleven days ago, but haven't been entirely pleased with it. I've been having a bit of writer's block and it's been driving me crazy. I'm still not entirely pleased with this chapter, but I wanted to give you guys something so you would know I haven't deserted you. Oh, and just a friendly reminder before you read this chapter. PAILY IS ENDGAME!**

So Emily has been spending her time at Naya's. I guess I can say I'm not the least bit surprised. The two of them have become close over the last few months. If she needs a sounding board for what she's feeling, Naya is the obvious choice. Hanna is probably too much pressure because she's very much Team Paige. Speaking of Hanna, I've lured her over to my place under the guise of wanting to study. I'm able to keep my ruse up for about an hour. My anxiety is starting to get the best of me, so I try to slyly change the course of the conversation.

"_So I'm thinking about changing my major,_" I mention.

"_Interesting. What were you thinking if changing it to_?" she inquires.

"_Dunno. Maybe something with music,_" I say.

"_What brought on this change of heart_?" she asks.

"_Some sage advice from an unlikely source,_" I tell her.

"_Well babe if you like it, I love it. So how have your classes been going otherwise_?" Hanna asks.

"_You would know if you spent more time studying with me_," I tease.

"_I know, I know,_" she says.

"_Hey I'm not mad if the offer for a better study partner has come along. Speaking of, how have things with Caleb been going_?" I ask.

"_Great. He's really a great guy. I'd really like for you two to get to know each other better,_" she says.

"_I'd love to. How does Emily feel about him?_" I toss in.

"_I wouldn't know. She's been kind of invisible lately,_" she says.

"_She's still not spending much time at your dorm_?" I ask.

"_No_."

"_Hmm_," I mumble.

"_What was that for?_" Hanna asks.

"_Nothing_."

"_You wouldn't have lured me over here to pump me for information on Em would you_?" she questions.

Before I can confess to my scheme, Hanna's stomach gives off the loudest, angriest growl I've ever heard. Saved by the belly.

"_Are you hungry? I could whip something up?"_ I ask.

"_Let me get this straight. Not only are you gorgeous, but you sing, play instruments, you're smart, funny, you're a beast in the swimming pool and you cook. How is it possible that every lesbian in a 30 mile radius isn't beating your door down. I'm two seconds away from jumping you myself_," she says.

"_I'm not as impressive as you make me sound,_" I chuckle.

"_Yeah, ok_," she says sarcastically.

"_Did I tell you Shana and I went out a couple of nights ago_?" I mention.

"_Really_?"

"_Yeah and she kissed me,_" I add.

"_Really_!" Hanna exclaims.

I smile at her exuberance.

"_And we've pretty much been together every day since_," I add.

"_So things have been getting hot and heavy between you two then_?" she asks.

"_No. I've been the perfect gentleman thank you very much_," I say.

"_Emily better hurry up and get her head out of her ass. She's just so crippled by her fear. I don't know what she's more afraid of. The gay thing or the dating you thing."_

"_I'd say the dating me thing. I'm pretty sure she's ok with the gay thing_."

Hanna raises her brow.

"_I have it on good authority that she's been spending massive amounts of time with Naya_," I reveal.

"_Oh_," she says flatly

"_Yeah 'oh' is right,_" I say.

"_Damn. I'm sorry babe,_" she sympathizes.

"_At this point it is what it is. Does it suck? Yes, but I can't let it stop me from living_."

"_Let me know if there's anything I can d_o," Hanna says.

"_You're already doing it,_" I answer.

Our tender moment is interrupted by Spencer barging through the front door. She's mumbling incoherently and she looks eerily pale. Hanna looks like she's about to say something, but I give her a look telling her to do the opposite.

"_Hi Spencer_," I say.

"_Hey. I can't talk I have a lot of studying to do_," she rambles off.

"_Ok I cooked if your hungry_," I call out to her retreating form.

She doesn't reply.

"_Something is seriously wrong with that chick_," Hanna comments.

"_She's just really focused is all_," I explain.

"_If you say so. Still, I think something is off_," she says.

I shrug my shoulders.

"_Now, tell me about your evening with Shana_...

Do what makes my heart sing. It's has become my mantra since Spencer spoke the words earlier to me this week. I've found myself repeating it at times I feel like the pressure is getting to be too much. Or at moments when I'm not quite sure which direction to take. It's been my driving force. It has motivated and inspired me so much so that I've been able to transfer it to my performance in the pool. I've been able to accomplish that perfect moment when the water and I become one. I'm in my zone and I feel untouchable. I'm not the only one who notices the change, coach notices it as well.

"_Nicely done Paige. You see that ladies? That's how you take a lose and use it to fuel you to the next level. Keep it up and you might just be anchoring at our next meet_," she says.

I grin like a fool as I make my way out of the pool. The bubble of bliss I had been residing in during practice is soon popped when we're in the locker room. I have the unfortunate luck of Emily's locker being right next to mine. She's standing In front of it brushing out her hair. I proceed to get dressed as well.

"_Hey_," I say.

"_Hey_," she replies.

She doesn't even make eye contact with me. It's the most uncomfortable I've ever been around her in my entire life. Thank goodness I'm saved from the awkwardness of this moment by Shana.

"_Hey Paige I'm ready to go for dinner if you are,_" she says.

"_Ok here I come_," I answer.

"_See you around_," I tell Emily.

"_Sure_," she says.

I somberly make my way to Shana. I pray there's some way Emily and I can get passed all of this. I really miss my best friend...

"_You were on fire in practice today,"_ Shana says in between bites.

I want to be sad about how things are between Emily and I right now, but it's kind of hard to when you're sharing dinner with a beautiful woman. We decided to take our chances in the dining hall for a quick bite to eat.

"_Thanks. I'm starting to feel like myself again,_" I tell her.

"_Good. I'm glad to hear it. So, have you heard about the Halloween party that everyone seems to be going to Friday night_?" she asks.

"_I've heard about it, but I don't think I'm going_," I say.

"_It's g_oing to be so much fun. We could go together. We could even coordinate our outfits," she says excitedly.

She has a child like enthusiasm and her eyes are sparkling with excitement. It's hard not to give her anything she wants.

"_I have a feeling that you're very rarely told no,_" I say.

"_And you would be correct_," she smiles.

"_Oh alright_," I say.

"_Yes! So what should we go as_?" she ponders.

"_You could always go as Lady and The Tramp,_" Naya says from over my shoulder.

"_Excuse me_?" Shana says.

"_Oh I mean no disrespect to you lovely. All my hostility is directed towards Paige,_" she smiles.

"_Naya, this is Shana. Shana this is the bane of my existence,_" I say.

"_It's nice to meet you,_" Naya says.

"_I'd say the same, but that would be a lie_," Shana remarks.

"_Oh I like her Paige. Do keep her around,"_ Naya says.

"_What do you want Naya_?" I ask.

"_I was coming to make you an offer that you couldn't refuse,"_ she taunts.

"_You have nothing, and I do mean nothing, that I want,_" I tell her.

"_Don't be so hasty in your refusal. You don't even know what the proposition is,_" she says.

I cross my arms over my chest and give her a face that lets her know I have zero patience for her foolishness today.

"_Would it be safe to assume that you had a great time performing with me the other night_?" she asks.

"_It would be an accurate assumption_," I answer.

"_How would you like to do that more often and in a more structured way_?" she suggests.

"_Go on_."

"_You know Chloe who organizes open mic night? Well she and her boyfriend are trying to start a band. It wouldn't be anything serious. Just an outlet to get out all of our musical creativity_," she says.

I have to admit that she has piqued my interest. I can't make it that easy for her though.

"_I'll let you know_," I reply.

"_Okay, but don't wait too long or you'll miss out. It was nice meeting you Shana,_" she says and takes her leave.

Why do I feel like that last comment was a subtle dig about Emily? Am I being overly sensitive?...

To say that this party is epic, would be grossly discount how spectacular it really is. I don't think I've every seen this many people in one place. I'm pretty sure we have to be violating some kind of fire code. After much debate, Shana and I decided to go as Batman and Catwoman. Shana easily puts every Catwoman that's come before her to shame. The leather outfit she has on hugs her body like a second skin and what a body it is. The whip and claws she has to complete her costume have me thinking all kinds of dirty and inappropriate things. I can tell by the looks she's been giving me that my batman costume is having the same effect on her. She grabs my hand and I give her a smile as we make our way deeper into the festivities. I'm astonished by the array of things people decided to dress as. It never ceases to amaze me how creative people can be. We see a couple of people from the swim team and make our way over to chat.

"_Do you want something to drink_?" Shana whispers to me.

"_Yes. Grab me whatever_," I say.

"_Ok be right back_," she says.

I return to the conversation I was having. I'm listening to Sydney describe her technique to improve her times, when I catch sight of Emily over her shoulder. She's making her way over to us. I feel my heart rate speed up and I'm a ball of nerves. After our interaction, if you could call it that, at practice I have a bit of trepidation of how this is going to play out. I see Naya close behind her and my trepidation soon turns to dismay. It's one thing to have suspicions of something. It's another thing to have those suspicions confirmed. I put on my best _'unaffected by this situation in the least_' face and continue to converse with Sydney.

"_Hey you guys_," Emily says.

"_Hey Emily. Wow, look at you two!_" Sydney gushes.

Emily and Naya naturally would decide to be Beyonce and Jay Z. They look like they stepped fresh off of tour. Naya is very much the part of Jay Z complete with skully, sunglasses and American flag t-shirt. And Emily. That beautiful body of hers is in a black leotard and a see through face mask. How she manages to be breathtaking in everything she wears is mind boggling.

"_Of course you're Batman. Always willing to play the part of the hero_," Naya comments.

"_Sweetie I think you look amazing_," Shana says as she returns with our drinks.

"_Thanks_," I tell her.

"_Meow_," Naya purrs when she sees Shana's ensemble.

Emily smacks her playfully in the shoulder and smiles.

"_What? She looks hot. Tell me she doesn't look hot_," Naya cajoles.

"_You look very nice_," Emily compliments Shana.

We all exchange pleasantries and continue our conversation. Emily and I are practically ignoring each other. I don't think we have spoken one word to each other during this entire discussion. Every now and then I can feel her eyes on me, but I don't dare look in her direction.

"_Paige, have you giving anymore thought to my offer_?" Naya asks.

"_I have._"

"_And_?" she waits.

"_And I told you I'd let you know_," I reply.

We have a brief, nonverbal exchange. I can tell she's less than pleased with my answer, but right now I really don't give a damn.

"_Do you hear that doll? They're playing our theme song. Shall we_?" Naya asks Emily.

Emily gives her a smile that could melt ice in the winter time. Naya takes her hand and off they go. I'm trying to pay attention to the people I'm suppose to be talking to, but my eyes are tracking Emily's every move. Her and Naya are dancing very close. They seem so at ease with each other. The smiles, the subtle touches, the flirting. I can't help but feel like that's supposed to be me. I feel Shana gently tug on my hand to get my attention.

"_Hey, are you here with her or are you here with me?_" She asks.

"_I'm sorry_," I say.

"_Don't apologize, but if you're going to be here with me, then be here with me_," she emphasizes.

"_You know what, you're right. I haven't been paying you nearly the amount attention you deserve_," I say.

"_I know right. I mean, you do see how good I look in all this leather don't you? I'm pretty sure I could get whoever I wanted at this point_," she jokes.

I pull her close to me.

"_Then let me stake my claim_," I murmur.

I lean in and give her a soft kiss. I can feel her pulling away put I hold her tighter. When I think my point has been adequately made, I step back just a little. Shana lets out a sigh and slowly opens her eyes.

"_Where has this Paige been hiding? I like her_," she comments.

"_I guess she just needed the right motivation to come out and play_," I respond.

"_I'll have to keep giving her a reason to stick around,_" she says.

I spend the rest of the evening wrapped up in Shana. We drink and dance. We even manage to play a few party games. I'm having an extraordinary time and I even manage to not think about Emily. It's getting pretty late, so Shana and I decide to leave. We make the trek back across campus hand in hand. We chat and laugh and talk about all the craziness that happened at the party. Our conversation comes to a natural pause. I feel Shana stop and I turn to see what's the matter.

"_Paige, I have something I need to tell you_," she says tentatively.

"_Ok_," I reply.

"_I have really enjoyed hanging out with you lately. I know you're not ready to have a relationship, but I want you to know that I don't want to spend my time with anyone but you_," she says timidly.

I'm kind of taken aback by her shyness. Shana is all brash and get what she wants by any means necessary. The fact that she's actually nervous about what she is telling me, let's me know how serious this is to her.

"_Shana you are an incredible person. This time I've spent with you has been nothing less than wonderful. Just so you know, I don't want to hang out with anyone else either,_" I admit.

"_Really_?"

"_Yes, really_," I say.

This makes her smile. She takes my hand back in hers and we continue to walk.

"_I'm not ready to go home yet_," she says.

"_You could come back to mine,_" I suggest.

"_Ok_."

We make it back to my place and I let Shana in to a dark apartment.

"_Head to my room. Im just going to go check on Spencer. She's been a little weird lately_," I tell her.

I knock on Spencer's door and wait for her to answer. When she doesn't, I knock again so she knows that I'm coming in. When I open her door, the sight in front of me makes my blood run cold. Spencer is laying on her floor unconscious. I touch her skin and she's burning up. I look around and notice an empty prescription pill bottle.

"_Shana! Shana come quick_!" I yell.

She's in Spencer's room in no time.

"_Oh my gosh Paige, what's going on_?" She asks.

"_I don't know but call 911_," I say.

She runs back to my room to grab her phone.

"_Spencer what the hell have you done to yourself,_" I whisper.

I don't know what else to do to help her. I hold her close and can feel her heart beating erratically. I silent cry and pray that the ambulance hurries up.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Thanks for all the love and support. This is a short author's note. The chappie is pretty self explanatory. It doesn't require much setup. It continues on from Halloween night. Hope it answers some of the questions you've been having. Also, I hope you all enjoy...**

"_How is it possible that you look better than Beyonce does in that outfit_?" Naya flirts.

I laugh and shrug her compliment off. We're snuggled up on one of the lounge chairs in the common area of her dorm. I wasn't really feeling the party after all, so we decided to spend the rest of the evening alone. With everyone out celebrating Halloween, the building is practically deserted.

"_I'm serious. I know I tell you this all the time, but you really are so beautiful_," she says to me.

I blush profusely and soak up every bit of the attention. I feel my phone vibrate and glance at the screen. It's Hanna calling. I decide to ignore the call.

"_Something important_?" she asks.

"_Nothing more important than what's going on right now_," I reply.

"_Doll if you keep saying things like that you're going to make me think you like me,_" she teases.

I'm about to come up with a witty reply when my phone vibrates again.

"_Maybe you should get that_," she says.

"_Maybe I should. Don't you move a muscle. I'll make this quick_," I say.

I head down the hall a bit to take the call.

"_Hanna you really have the worst timing in the world,_" I say.

"_Emily. There's been an accident,"_ she rambles out.

The fear I hear in her voice makes all the life drain from my face. My first thought is that something has happened to Paige.

"_Hanna what's wrong with Paige?_" I ask.

"_It's not Paige, it's Spencer, but she's freaking out. She really needs you right now,_" Hanna explains.

"_Where is she at_?"

"_They're going to the hospital right now,_" she answers.

"_I'm on my way_," I say and end the call.

I make my way back to where I left Naya to let her know I'm leaving.

"_I, I have to go_," I stutter.

Naya takes one look at me and is immediately by my side.

"_Emily what's wrong? You're shaking like a leaf,_" she says.

It isn't until she mentions it that I realize I'm trembling. I put my hands to my cheeks and can feel the wet stream of tears that I didn't even know was falling down.

"_Paige, Spencer, accident_," I stammer.

"_Calm down Em and tell me what's going on,_" she says.

"_There's been an accident. Paige needs me,_" I tell her.

"_Where are they now_?" she asks.

"_The medical center._"

"_Then come on let's go._"...

I'm ever thankful that Naya insisted on coming with me. If it wasn't for her, I don't think I would have been able to hold it together. I'm in such a state of shock. It isn't until I see Paige slumped over in a chair in the waiting room that I final come to my senses. I make my way to her and place a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"_Hey_," I murmur.

She looks up and I can feel my heart breaking. Her eyes are red and puffy. She looks so fragile. I grab her hand and pull her into a tight embrace.

"_Oh Love, I'm here now_," I say comfortingly.

"_Em_," she manages to get out before she breaks down.

She starts bawling and I just hold her. We stay like that for a good five minutes until I start to feel her calm down.

"_It's all my fault_," she sobs.

"_How is it your fault_?" I ask her.

"_I've noticed she's been acting strange for weeks. I should've known something was wrong_," she explains.

"_Paige, listen to me. There was no way you could have known what was going on. You're not to blame,_" I tell her.

"_But_," she starts.

"_But nothing. This wasn't your fault,_" I reiterate.

She gives me a heavy sigh, but looks like she's accepting my reasoning. I keep a hold to her hand as we sit down side by side. I glance around and notice that Naya is purposely hanging back to give Paige and I some space. We sit in silence and wait for word of Spencer's condition. Not too long after, I see Hanna and Shana making their way over to us. They're carrying two cups of coffee a piece.

"_Em you're here_," Hanna sighs in relief

I stand up so we can hug. I accept one of the cups of coffee she hands to me.

"_We thought we might be here for awhile and figured coffee was in order_," Shana says to me.

I know she's trying to be cordial because of the circumstance. I suppose I can follow suit.

"_Thanks for being there for Paige_," I say to her.

"_It was no trouble_," she answers.

"_Hey I'm going to go let Naya know what's going on_," I say to the group.

I make my way to where she's been waiting.

"_Paige said they took Spencer back and we're just waiting to find out what's going on. Hanna's here too, so you don't have to stick around,_" I say.

"_I'll do whatever you want me to. If you want me to stay I'll stay. If you don't want me here, than I'll go,_" she says.

"_It's not that I don't want you here, but __I really want to give Paige my undivided attention and that's kind of hard to do when you're around,_" I explain.

"_Are you saying I'm a distraction_?" she teases.

"_Yes, but in the best kind of way,_" I answer.

"_Ok, I'll go, but only if you promise to keep me updated_," she compromises.

"_I promise_."

We hug for a long while and she places a tender kiss on my cheek. I thank her again as she makes her way out. I return to Paige's side and take a seat.

"_Your girlfriend had to leave_?" Paige asks snidely.

"_She's not my girlfriend. If you're going to be snarky, I can leave as well,_" I say calmly.

"_I'm sorry. I'm just on edge. We've been here for two hours and I still don't know what's happening with Spencer?_" she explains.

Right at that moment, a doctor appears in the waiting area.

"_Are you guys the ones who brought Ms. Hastings in_?" she asks.

"_Yes_," Paige answers.

"_Can we know what's going on?_" Hanna interjects.

"_I'm sorry but we can only give that information out to immediately family members_," the doctor explains.

"_Please, we all care about her and we're worried sick_," I plead.

The doctor appears to struggle for a second. She can see the concern in all of our faces and decides to throw us a bone.

"_Ms. Hastings overdosed on dextroamphetamine. We had to pump her stomach. She's stable right now, but we need to monitor her condition overnight._"

I feel Paige shaking next to me and I grab hold of her hand again.

"_Thank you for telling us that,_" Shana says.

"_You're welcome. There's nothing else you can do for her tonight. I suggest that you all go home and get some rest,_" the doctor says.

"_I don't think we should leave. Spencer shouldn't be alone when she wakes u_p," I say.

"_She won't be. Paige called her parents. They should be here soon,_" Shana supplies.

We decide to take the doctor's advice and head home. Paige is in such a delicate state that I don't want to let her out of my sight for even a second.

"_Hey I'm going to stay with Paige tonight_," I whisper to Hanna.

"_Good cause if you weren't, I was_," she says.

I hug her and thank her for calling me. Shana offers to walk Hanna back to the dorms and we go our separate ways. Paige is practically a zombie as I lead her back to her place. I manage to get her to her room, get her in pajamas and in bed with very little resistance. It isn't until I turn out the bedside lamp that she finally speaks.

"_Em where are you going_?" she asks.

"_I was going to crash on the couch_," I say.

"_Could you stay with me please? I don't want to be alone."_

I hesitate for a second.

"_Please_," she begs.

I look at her and see the ten year old little girl who lost her mother all over again. I can hear the desperation in her voice and push to the side the all the things we still have yet to address. I borrow some pajamas and climb in next to her. She latches onto to me like she's hanging on for dear life and just weeps...

_**Two Weeks Later**_

Naya and I are on her bed studying. I'm laying with my back against the head board while she lays across the bed with her head in my lap. I'm lazily playing with her hair while we both read books for our classes. There's been an insane amount of tension between us ever since I admitted my attraction to women. I know that she wants to be with me, but she also understands I'm not ready for that yet. She's been practicing an extreme amount of restraint which I'm greatly appreciative of. We flirt and cuddle, but haven't really done anything more.

"_Gorgeous can you pass me my phone? I want to check on Paige_," I say.

She gives me a confused look at my use of the endearment.

"_What_?" I ask.

"_Gorgeous_?" she fires back.

"_I've never called anyone that before. I was seeing how it feels_," I explain.

"_You think I'm gorgeous_?"

"_Yes I do,_" I say with a smile.

She rolls over and is all of a sudden very much on top of me. She has her hands on either side of my head and has wrapped my legs around her waist. There's something very playful about the way she's looking at me.

"_I know that these things you are feeling right now are new and exciting and scary all at the same time. That's why I'm being very patient_," she says.

I nod in the affirmative so she knows I'm paying attention.

"_You do understand how hard it's been for me to behave_?"

Again, I nod in the affirmative.

_"You understand that I've been fighting the desire to run my hands over every inch of your beautiful body. I've resisted the urge to kiss and touch you until you blackout because the pleasure is too much_," she says.

I answer her with a breathy '_yes_'.

"_Then as long as you understand, I can keep being patient. But you calling me sweet names and looking all breathtaking isn't making it any easier doll_."

She rolls off of me to retrieve my phone from her dresser.

"_I'm going to go forage for some food so you can have some privacy. Come find me when you're done,"_ she says.

Naya hands me my phone and places a kiss on my forehead. She leaves me in peace in her room to place my call. It's been two weeks since Spencer's accident. I've made a point to keep tabs on Paige. Ever since she lost her mom, she's been super fragile when it comes to dealing with death. Spencer's close call has her on edge and I'm worried about her. I listen to the phone ring while I wait for the call to connect.

"_Hey Em_," she answers.

"_Hi Love. What are you doing_?" I ask.

"_Nothing. Just getting ready to head out_," she says.

I can hear voices in the background.

"_You and Hanna are hanging out_?" I assume.

"_No it's Shana_."

"_Oh_," I answer dejected.

I don't know what it is, but the fact that she's spending time alone with Shana makes me exceedingly jealous. I know I'm the one who ran away from the possibility of us being together and I have no right to feel this way. I can't seem to help it. The thought of her kissing and touching Paige makes me want to break something. I can tell she can sense the displeasure in my voice.

"_You're welcome to join us if you'd like,_" she offers.

"_No. Two is company. Three is a crowd_," I reply.

"_Ok, but I'd really like to see you soon_," she says.

"_Do you want to go to the football game tomorrow?"_ I ask.

"_I never figured you to be one who's big on football. Especially considering,_" she trails off.

"_I'm not but we never get a chance to go to any of the sporting events. __How often do we have a break from swimming when there's a home game__? I kind of want to see Naya cheer,_" I reply.

"I_ suppose we can go show our support for the home team_," she concedes.

"_Then it's a date. I'll see you tomorrow_," I say.

We say our goodbyes and disconnect the call. I'm supposed to be finding Naya, but instead I'm stewing over why I'm so pissed that Paige is hanging out with Shana. Naya finds me in the same state upon her return.

"_Your phone call not go as planned_?" she asks.

"_You could say that. I didn't really get to talk to Paige. She and Shana were heading out_," I pout.

She makes a face like she's privy to information that I'm not.

"_What's that face for_?" I inquire.

"_Nothing you just seem awfully agitated that they're spending so much time together. You wouldn't be jealous would you_?" she comments.

"_No_."

"_Sure about that?_" she questions.

I cross my arms over my chest and huff in an exaggerated fashion. Naya doesn't say a word. She just looks on amused.

"_Ok maybe I'm a little jealous_," I admit.

She feigns surprise.

"_Oh do tell_," she says.

"_I'd rather not talk about this with you. I know you have feelings for me,_" I say.

"_And I know you have feelings for someone else_," she counters.

"_And yet you still pursue me. Why is that_?" I ask.

"_Emily I meant what I told you that very first time we hung out. I'm drawn to your inner light. I can't help but feel lucky that you see fit for me to bask in its glow. I plan to ride this thing out for as long as I can_," she says in all seriousness.

I can't help but feel a little tug at my emotions from her response. Naya is really a great catch. Anyone would be lucky to have her. Too bad my heart desires someone else...

Paige and I meet the next day outside of my building to head to the stadium. Our walk is filled with light hearted chitchat about what's been going on in our lives. Over the last couple weeks, we've both made an honest effort to reconcile our friendship. We've yet to talk about the reason why we were estranged in the first place. It's been the elephant in the room lurking around the corner. I think we have both been so grateful to be talking again that we are afraid to deal with anything heavy. We manage to make it to the game a little bit after kick off. This is my first college game that I've attended. It's easy to get caught up in the excitement of it all. A great deal of the crowd has their Penn State apparel on. There's shirtless guys with letters painted on their chest. I thought that kind of thing only happened in movies. It's hilarious to see in real life. I can't help but notice two girls sitting in front of us. One of the girls is wearing a jersey with Ben's number on it and they both make a big fuss whenever he's on the field. I overhear part of their conversation.

"_Your man Ben is on fire tonight_," one girl tells the other.

"_Isn't he. We're going to have to celebrate properly tonight if you catch my drift_," she answers.

"_You guys have been hanging out for awhile now, haven't you_?"

"_Yep it's been two months now. I think I'm might have him at the point where he's ready to commit,_" the girl gushes.

I hear her last comment and feel like I've been punched in the chest. Two months. That means Ben was messing with this tramp while we were still together. I feel the walls starting to close in on me and I feel the need to flea. I get up and head to the nearest exit. Paige is close on my heels.

"_Em what happened back there?_" she asks.

"_Can we just go please_?" I beg.

"_Yeah. Come on_."...

Paige convinces me that going back to my room to wallow in my sorrows alone wouldn't be a good idea. We end up at the coffee shop. We find a nice secluded corner to relax.

"_How has Spencer been_?" I ask her.

"_Shes getting better. It's a one day at a time process. She's bummed that her parents made her move back home, but they think it's for the best. I try to talk to her every other day_," she says.

"_You're such a good friend. i know she appreciates your calls,_" I say.

Paige just shrugs. She never could take a compliment.

"_Do_ _you want to tell me what that was all about earlier_?" Paige asks me.

"_I overheard one of the girls in front of us talking about Ben. Turns out the two of them have been messing around for the last two months_," I say.

I watch an array of emotions cross Paige's face as she contemplates what she's going to say next. The one that appears to be most prevalent is rage. I continue with my train of thought.

"_How long had he been playing me for a fool? I've never felt so betrayed in my life. I mean, how can someone claim to love you, but at the same time be so dishonest with you,_" I lament.

I see a new emotion appear on her face. This time it looks like guilt. It makes me wonder what she has to feel guilty about. She couldn't possible be blaming herself for Ben breaking my heart. We sit in silence for a minute while we contemplate our respective thoughts. I decide that now is as good a time as any to address the elephant.

"_Are we ever going to talk about it_?" I ask her.

"_What is there to talk about? I told you I loved you and you pretty much told me you didn't feel the same way,_" she answers.

"_It isn't that simple Paige_."

"_But wasn't it. I mean you couldn't even tell me in person. You sent me a damn text message,_" she says angrily.

"_Paige_."

"_No Emily it's fine. I told you that if you didn't feel anything that I'd let it go. Obviously, you didn't feel the same things I felt," she deduces._

"_That couldn't be further from the truth_."

"_Then why did you run_?" she asks.

"_Cause Paige it scared the mess out of me. It's like I've been walking around my whole life with blinders on. I've only been able to see what's straight ahead of me. Then in one moment, it's like this world I never knew exsisted is presented to me. It's different and exhilarating and I'm trying to decipher my place in it all. Hell I'm still scared,_" I explain.

"_You don't seem that scared to me. You're awful cosy with your girlfriend,_" she comments.

"_Naya isn't my girlfriend. We're good friends and that's all_," I say.

She doesn't look satisfied by my answer.

"_Love do you have any idea who you are to me? I could never enter into a relationship with you lightly. I'm still not even sure if I'm,_"

"_Gay_," she finishes for me.

"_See I can't even say it. There's so much history between the two of us. That's a lot of pressure. With Naya everything is fun and easy. She's allowing me the space to figure things out without any expectations,_" I clarify.

"_So you feel like I'm pressuring you_?" she accuses.

I groan frustrated.

"_Have you listened to anything I just told you? I need to figure me out before I can think of anything else_," I reiterate.

"_Fine Em, I'll accept that. I still don't like that she's helping you with your 'self discovery'_," she sulks.

"_Well you're going to have to get over it. Just like I have to get over the fact that you and Shana are getting 'close'_," I say whike making sure to emphasize the last word.

"_What do you have against Shana_?" she asks.

"_Besides the fact the she's a bitch supreme and gets off on making my life as miserable as possible. I don't think she's good enough for you_," I say.

"_For starters, she's really a sweet girl. You two just got off on the wrong foot. Secondly, I gave you first dibs to be with me,_" she counters.

I'm shocked into silence. There really isn't a good way to respond to Paige's last statement. She looks quite pleased with herself for catching me off guard. She knows she has me but I refuse to accept defeat. I stick my tongue out at her and she laughs. It warms my heart to hear that beautiful sound come from her.

"_Tell me something good M&M,"_ she asks.

"_It feels so good to finally be getting back to us. I've missed you_," I say.

"_I know the feeling Em. I've missed you too_."


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: I'M BACK! I have missed you all dearly. I've had this chapter nearly done for about a month now, but had to take a break. I won't bore you with the details of my hiatus. Instead I'll let you enjoy the story. Happy reading!**

Life has been great lately. I'm still a little shaky over the whole Spencer incident, but talking to her regularly is helping to ease my mind. Swimming has been going amazingly. I finally feel like I'm hitting my stride. Emily and I are reconnecting. Things are really getting back to normal between us. Not to mention spending time getting to know Shana better has been a dream. Only hitch seems to be my choices in academia. I'm discussing this, amongst other things, with Shana as we take a leisurely stroll across campus. We both have some time to kill before class and decided to get some fresh air. It's a little blustery out, but she doesn't seem to mind the cold.

"_So what it is that's really holding you back_?" she asks.

"_My dad. He's sacrificed so much for me. I don't want to feel like I'm disappointing him_," I answer sadly.

"_Trust me, I can understand more than anyone the desire to have your parents approval, but at some point you have to live for yourself,_" she says.

We walk hand in hand a little further and I think about what she said. I smile a little at the irony.

"_What's that smile for_?" she asks.

"_Emily said something almost identical earlier this week,_" I say.

I think I see the forming of a scowl on that beautiful face.

"_You're too pretty to make such an ugly face,_" I tease.

She playfully bumps her shoulder into mine and I laugh.

"_I know you two are best friends and everything, but I don't trust her when it comes to you," S_hana says.

"_Emily is the most trustworthy person in the world Shana. She would never do anything to hurt me intentionally and I trust her with my life,"_ I defend.

"_Oh I know that but that's not what I mean. I don't trust her because I know she wants you,_" she states.

"_Hardly. I told you I professed my love and she said we were better as friends. It was hard to except at first, but I have and we're moving forward from there,_" I say.

_"If you say so. That still doesn't mean I have to like her,"_ she says.

We continue to walk as I contemplate what to do about the women in my life.

"_I think we should have a get together at my place?_" I suggest.

Shana looks at me strangely wondering where my train of thought is going.

"_It's just that I feel you and Emily haven't had the proper chance to get to know one another better. You are two of the most important people in my life. I want you guys to at least get along. I don't want to feel like I have to choose between the two of you_," I explain.

She is giving me this big, toothy grin and her eyes are twinkling.

"_What_?" I ask her.

"_I'm important to you_?" she asks.

I start to feel shy and I know my cheeks are burning.

"_You caught that, did you_?"

She looks at me expectantly to continue.

"_You are something wonderful and totally unexpected. I wasn't looking for you, but I'm so glad I found you,_" I admit.

Shana wraps her arms around me and we hug for a long time. She pulls aware and just looks at me.

"_I'm going to kiss you now_," she declares.

And that she does. Her lips feel amazing. They're soft and she taste divine.

"_You better not break my heart_," she whispers.

"_I won't_," I promise...

In keeping with trying to mend our friendship, Emily and I have reinstated the weekly study sessions at my place. Hanna joins us when she can, but lately she's been otherwise preoccupied. We're currently posted up in opposite corners of my living room. We're relatively quite while we study, but every once in a while I look up and catch her staring at me. We've been going for a while and I'm about due for a break. I know Emily could use one, too.

"_You want something to drink_?" I ask her.

"_Hmm_?"

"_Something to drink?_" I ask as I motion to the kitchen.

"_Yes please. Water is good_," she answers.

I get up from my place on the floor and stretch. I didn't realize how long I had been sitting in the same position until I moved. As I'm stretching. I can feel Emily's eyes on me. I try to ignore it and head in search of refreshment.

"_I hope you don't mind this overly expensive, frilly water Spencer got. It's the only kind we have,_" I say over my shoulder.

She doesn't answer but I can still feel the heat from her gaze. I turn to see why she's unresponsive and I'm pretty sure I just caught her staring at my ass. She blushes and looks away when she registers that she's been busted. I push past the awkward moment and pass her the water.

"_Thanks_," she says.

"_Sure thing. Are you going home for Thanksgiving_?" I ask.

"_Yep. Momma Fields insisted on it. Oh and she told me to tell you that your presence is required at our table as well,_" she says.

"_Required you say,_"

"_Yes. She knows your dad will probably be working and she doesn't want you to be alone in your apartment. She said you should be around family_."

"_I love your mom_," I smile.

"_And she said you could bring a friend_," Emily adds.

"_Hmm, maybe I'll ask Shana_," I say to myself.

"_Uh negative. There's no way I'm spending the holiday, in my house mind you, with her,"_ she says.

"_C'mon Em. I really like her. Besides she doesn't have any family here and she can't make it back to Georgia_," I say.

She looks like she's thinking it over.

"_You're serious about this girl, aren't you_?" she asks.

"_I don't know if serious is the word, but I do care about her a great deal_," I say.

"_Maybe I should ask Naya if she wants to come. She can be a buffer between the two of us_," she says.

"_And who's going be a buffer between her and I_?"

"_I'm sure you two can manage to play nice for a little while,_" she says.

"_So what's going on between the two of you? I know you claim she's not your girlfriend, but you guys seem to be together all of the time_," I say.

"_She's a very good friend that's helping me figure some things out,_" she replies.

"_A better friend than me_?" I inquire.

"_Not better, just different. I can say and do things with Naya and not worry about what they mean. I'm free to explore and discover on my own terms_," she explains.

"_Explore? Is that what you're calling it now_," I say flatly.

"_Paige, don't be like that. Not all of us are as fortunate as you to know who we are from day one. Some of us are still figuring it out as we go along_," she explains.

"_And what have you discovered so far_?" I ask.

"_I think_," she pauses to collect her thoughts.

I give her my undivided attention because I know she's about to reveal something important about herself.

"_I think I'm finally starting to acknowledge something that's always been apart of me. Remember the last get together we had here and you found out I kissed a girl_?" she says.

I nod my head yes.

"_Well it was Alison_."

"_Get the hell out! For real?_!" I exclaim.

"_Sheesh you don't have to sound so happy about it,_" she says.

"_Sorry for the outburst, but seriously Em. Alison_?" I ask.

"_I know she's a viperous snake, but at the time I couldn't see that. She was sweet and she made me feel so special. At least at first she did_," Emily says.

"_So what happened?_" I asked.

"_Alison did what Alison does best. She exploited my weakness for her own personal gain. I really thought she was feeling the same things that I was. When I worked up the nerve to confess my attraction, she laughed in my face. She told me that I was just practice for when she did the real thing with boys. I was crushed. I convinced myself that what I was feeling was silly and not normal. I just suppressed my desires. I figured if I started to date a boy then all the emotions she stirred up would go away_."

"_Em, why have you never told me this before?_" I ask.

"_Since the day we have met, you have had the weight of the world on your shoulders. It didn't seem right burdening you with my stuff."_

"_That explains why you were so keen on me hooking you up with Ben_," I say.

"_Yeah that was doomed to fail from the beginning. I kind of have to laugh at the irony though. He and I have the same taste in women,"_ she says wryly.

I once again can feel the guilt eating at me. Here Emily is baring her heart and soul with me. The least I can do is come clean about my knowledge of Ben's infidelity.

"_Em there's something I've been meaning to tell you_," I start.

"_What is it Love_?"

She's looking at me with those beautiful brown eyes so full of trust and love. I know what I'm about to tell her will break her heart. We've just finally gotten back to a good place. I can't stomach the thought of losing her again.

"_I was just going to say that you've given me another reason to throttle that bitch_," I lie.

"_My knight in shining armor. What would I do without you_?" she smiles.

"_I'm sure you'd find some way to manage._"

We exchange smiles and I can't help but feel like we are really going to be okay.

"_Tell me something good_?" she asks.

"_I'm glad that we're able to talk to each other like this again. I really missed the closeness between us_," I say.

"_Skittles, we might go through our ups and downs, but there's nothing you could ever do to make me not want to be around you._"...

**_Dear Father,_**

**_I am writing to notify you that I intend to change my major. I regret to inform you that I no longer plan to assume the position of CEO of the family business._**

I'm in the cafe trying to find the right way to tell my dad that I don't want to take over the family business. I figure an email is the most effective and efficient method to contact him.

**_Hi Dad,_**

**_I wanted to let you know that I'm not majoring in business anymore. I don't have the desire to follow in your footsteps. Instead I have decided to follow my heart._**

I erase that one as well. How do you tell the man who sacrificed so much to give you a charmed life, screw him and you're going to do your own thing. I'm mulling over my options when a banana nut muffin and a latte are placed on the table in front of me.

"_You look kind of stressed. I thought you could use a break,_" Naya says.

"_This isn't poisoned, is it_?" I ask skeptically.

"_Of course not Paige. It's a peace offering_."

"_Paige? Oh now I really think you're trying to poison me,_" I say.

"_Look Underdog, I'm trying to be nice and bury the hatchet. Can you at least try and meet me half way_?" she asks.

I partake of the goodies in front of me. Naya gives me a slight annoyed look.

"_So I have to insult you to get you to trust me?"_ she asks.

I shrug my shoulders as I swollow my bite.

"_I've always wanted to ask you, what's with all the kanine references?_"

"_Because they're very fitting. When it comes to Emily, you're as loyal as a Golden Retriever and as protective as a German Shepard,_" she explains.

Her logic is sound and I can't find fault with her reasons. She can tell that the mention of Emily's name has me bristling a bit, but I'll never admit it to her. I take another bite of my muffin and regard her for a while. She seems unphased by my scrutiny.

"_May I ask what has brought about this new found need for harmony amongst us_?"

"_You mean besides the obvious_?" she asks.

"_And what's the obvious_?"

"_That we're both in love with the same girl_," she announces.

The casual air in which she delivers this news has my blood boiling.

"_Your in love with Emily?_" I ask incredulously.

_"Thats beside the point Lassie. We can revisit that later. I need you to focus on the discussion at hand_."

Where before I was mildly amused by Naya's appearance and the subsequent conversation that followed, I've now reached a point of annoyance.

"_What do you want_?" I snap.

"I _want for us to be besties long enough for us to put this band together. I asked if you were interested and you said that you'd think about it. That was weeks ago_?" she whines.

"_Oh my gosh could you please not whine. It's highly unattractive._"

"_Please! There is nothing that is not attractive about me. And Emily thinks it's cute when I whine, but I digress. So are you down or not?_"

"_Tell me when the first practice is and I'll check it out_," I say.

She claps her hands excitedly and pulls out her phone.

"_Give me your number and I'll text you the info."_

We exchange info and I consider whether I should ask her this next question. My good nature gets the best of me and I decide to go for it.

"_So I'm having a get together at my place. Nothing big, just a few friends. In the spirit of our new found camaraderie, I'd like to invite you,_" I say.

"_So we're friends now? I'm almost touched._"

"I _wouldn't go as far to say we're friends, but as you've pointed out, we do share a common bond of sorts_," I explain.

"_In that case me and our common bond would love to attend your little soirée. Catch you later."_

I might not approve of Emily's decision to "explore" with Naya, but I suppose if she's going to be around I might as well learn to be cordial...

Deciding to have a get together at my place is proving to be a better plan than I imagined. Everyone is actually getting along very well. There hasn't been any arguments or confrontations. It's been a really mellow and chill atmosphere. I don't know if that's because of the alcohol or the haze of weed, supplied by Hanna, in the air. Either way, I can't complain. Naya and Emily are attached by the hip for most of the night. I'm still a little agitated by Naya's admission in the cafe, but I try not to let it show. It's kind of hard to begrudge her when she seems to have such a positive effect on Emily. She seems so happy and carefree. She smiles so easily and laughs so freely. I see the Emily I know and love shining through so clearly. I can't help but feel that maybe Naya is the better choice for her. I still want to discuss the comment she made and see my opening when Em excuses herself to go to the bathroom.

"_Are you enjoying yourself_?" I ask.

"_I have to admit McCullers, you do know how to show a girl a good time,_" Naya answers.

"_I'm glad I could be so accommodating_."

"_So_..."

"_So_..."

_"Do you want to tell me the real reason you've cornered me the second Emily walked away?_" she asks.

"_Do you want to explain what you meant when you said we're both in love with the same girl_?"

"_Geez you're like a dog with a bone. You don't know how to let sleeping dogs lie._"

"_Cut the shit Naya and give me a straight answer,_" I demand.

She takes a long drink from the beer bottle in her hand. When the bottle is empty, she places it on a nearby table and looks at me straight on.

"_I am insanely and deeply enamored with one Miss Emily Fields. I feel like a complete fool because I know she'll never return my affections because she's in love with someone else_," she says.

"_Why subject yourself to that? What do you possibly have to gain_?" I ask.

"_Emily is the sun and I am but a mere planet caught in her orbit. I'm warmed by her light and helpless against the gravitational pull she has on me_."

I'm awe struck by her unwavering honesty.

"_I don't expect you to like it or understand it, but it is what it is_," she says.

It pains me to confess that my initial assumption of Naya's character might be inaccurate.

"_You better be good to her_," I threaten.

"_Of course. I would hate to incur the rather of you Rex_."...

It's been awhile since Emily went to the bathroom. I know she's pretty wasted so I decide to go check on her. I make my way to my room and expect to find her in the bathroom. Where I find her is on my bed looking like she's in her own world. She notices I'm in the room and gives me this sexy little smile. I know I have no business being alone with her, but I can't seem to fight the force that's drawing me to her.

"_Hey Love_," she greets me.

I give her a 'what's up' head nod. She is very much amused by my hi jinx and does this cute girlish giggle. In the back of my mind, the warning bells are going off, but I'm too far gone under the haze of alcohol and Emily. I know she wants me to come closer but I don't move from my spot.

"_Are you going to stand there all night looking at me or are you going to come closer?" _she asks.

"_I'm going to stand here all night_?" I say.

"_Smart ass,_" she replies.

"_But you love my smart ass_," I say.

She bites her lip and chuckles.

"_I do love your ass_," she admits.

She stands and starts to approach me. I feel like the world is moving in slow motion. That or the shots I took are really starting to kick in. Either way I can feel the temperature in the room change the closer she gets to me. When she's within an inch of me she stops. She runs her hands from my wrist, up the length of my arms to my shoulders. There is where they temporarily stop their journey.

"_Em, what are you doing?_" I ask.

She doesn't answer me right away. Instead her hands continue their trek further up my shoulders to my neck. Once they reach my neck, her hands part ways. One ends up in my hair while the other slow ventures back down the center of my chest. My hands seem to have a mind of their own. I don't know when it happened, but they somehow have managed to make their way to Emily's waist. I close my eyes and hold my breath while I search for some will power.

"_Have I told you how incredibly good you look tonight_?" she asks.

My lids slowly flutter open at her words. Nothing in my life has prepared me for the look she's giving me. She looks like if I give her the word, she'll devour me in a second.

"_Emily, we can't do this,_" I tell her weakly.

"_Can't do what Love? We're just talking. Besides, didn't you say earlier you missed the closeness between us_?" she says.

"_We are doing so much more than talking and this isn't what I meant by close_," I explain.

"_But isn't it_?" she reasons.

I'm trying to concentrate, but during our brief exchange, she has closed the distance between our bodies. I can feel each and every point of contact between us and its wrecking havoc on my resolve. She takes my silence as permission to continue. She pushes me back an inch and I'm trapped between the wall and her. I close my eyes again and lean my head back. It feels like her hands are everywhere all at once. How is that even possible? Then it happens. The gentlest caress of her lips against my neck. I moan at the feel of her which causes her to moan in response.

"_Paige, I'm going to kiss you now_," she declares.

That is the second time this week that I've heard that phrase. Remembering who else has said it is like an bucket of ice water on my arousal. I'm quickly brought out of the fog that intoxication can bring. I open my eyes and firmly, but gently grab Emily by her arms. I untangle from her and put some space between us. I take a deep breath and look for the right words to say.

"_Emily, for as long as I can remember, I've wanted you. And for just as long, I've wanted you to want me in return. But this isn't right. I'm drunk. You're drunk. I don't want to hurt Shana over something you'll regret or even worse, won't remember in the mornin_g," I say.

"_You don't want to hurt Shana? Just earlier this week you said you two weren't that serious_," she accuses.

"_Emily, just let me explain,_" I say.

"_No explanation is needed. You changed your mind about how you feel about me. It's all good. I will say one thing. You and your cousin are killer on a girl's ego,"_ she says.

Being compared to Ben is like a gut punch. It's a low blow and she knows it.

"_I better get back out there before Naya wonders where I've gone,_" she mumbles.

I flop down on my bed frustrated as ever. Just when I think Emily and I are getting back to a good place, things get royal screwed up. Again.


End file.
